Scratch that worrying stuff. God is good.
Too often I forget that God is good and he has a plan. Funny, for a guy that has seen God's plan work out many, many times before...
I think a lot of my irkiness (yes, it's a word) lately is because I have neglected to trust God. Granted, I could be wrong and this could be just another attempt to easily pigeonhole a personal problem, but I really haven't been reminding myself (nor allowing others to remind me) of God's goodness and his plan. You hear Jeremiah 29:11 so much as a graduating senior (a passage that deals with national Israel, not personal lives, though the principle is Biblical), but you eventually forget.
Even though I put myself through some serious crap and I have some tough questions, God's plan is ultimately good and it will prevail.
I hate super happy positive posts. They somehow seem unrealistic. So to those like me: This doesn't mean that I'm gonna stop being cynical (though that would be nice).
My mother can't stand my cynicism. I can't either, truth be told, but I think there's little to change most of it by now (cynical statement). I can't remember what brought it up, but she told me not to be so cynical... I thought it was both amusing and sad. Amusing because my mother can't stand something about me. That thought, while morbid, is still kinda funny in a rebellious teenager kind of way. Sad because my mother can't stand something about me. I can't really stand it either, but by now I've learned to mostly ignore it.
I was just distracted by the thought of looking up the theme song to Cowboy Bebop (an anime show) on Youtube to see if I could find a live performance. I did. It's amazing. Oh, sweet jazz...
That's it for now. I've updated a lot lately. I've been getting into reading others' blogs, thus inspiring my hands... Ick.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Worries
I hate worrying. I have this queasy feeling in my stomach and I don't like it.
I know it's probably nothing, but I'm still worrying. Grr.
That's it.
I know it's probably nothing, but I'm still worrying. Grr.
That's it.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
But then again, we can't choose the lessons we learn, can we?
So I was reading a friend of mine's online journal thing and I thought: "I haven't updated mine in a long while. I might want to do that." Here goes:
I'm a film major now. I'm hopefully going to go to graduate school at the Florida Interactive Entertainment Academy for their video game production track. So that's that part of life.
The semester was long and short. Looking back, I feel like I kind of wasted it. I can't think of anything really meaningful that I did. I didn't really make any attempts to reach out to other people. I just kind of putzed along, focused on my studies, and tried to get by. I don't really like "getting by." I'd much rather have all kinds of excess to give to other people. But then again, I suppose most people would like that.
I'm going to try to use this break for what it's meant for: rest and rejuvination. One of my friends reminded me that this break should be used for retreating into God again and recharging my relationship with him. It was a good reminder.
Last Christmas break was really rough for me. I was really dark and depressed. I felt far from God. I questioned my salvation. I don't want this break to be like that. On the same token, if it is, how well will I stand under the pressure? Last year I learned that I am a Christian. I am devoted to Yahweh, no matter what. I came to a point where I told him, "You know, God, if I could I would renounce you and live as the world does. I would stop calling myself a Christian. But I can't do it." I know it to be true. I cannot do any other way of life. Even if I tried, I would know the whole time that there is something out there, someone out there who could fill me up. that was a good lesson to learn, but I'd like to learn this break how to pour out into people again.
But then again, we can't choose the lessons we learn, can we?
That was so deep, I had to give it its own paragraph. **insert filler sentence here so I don't give this sentence its own paragraph**
So I'm home now. And that's about it. I don't have many friends here, but I can make some new ones at work. I'm going to spend some time reading and maybe writing and definitely memorizing lines for some play that I'm in...
And I have to stop thinking about certain subjects. Not because these subjects are inherently bad, but because I think I've been glorifying them a bit too much. I've been saying, "Well, things will be better when..." and that kind of scratches contentment with right now off. So I've got to stop thinking about that subject and count on God to work it out instead of me. Man, I'm such a control freak.
I made my deep comment the title of this little entry. I think that's neat.
I'm leaving now.
I'm a film major now. I'm hopefully going to go to graduate school at the Florida Interactive Entertainment Academy for their video game production track. So that's that part of life.
The semester was long and short. Looking back, I feel like I kind of wasted it. I can't think of anything really meaningful that I did. I didn't really make any attempts to reach out to other people. I just kind of putzed along, focused on my studies, and tried to get by. I don't really like "getting by." I'd much rather have all kinds of excess to give to other people. But then again, I suppose most people would like that.
I'm going to try to use this break for what it's meant for: rest and rejuvination. One of my friends reminded me that this break should be used for retreating into God again and recharging my relationship with him. It was a good reminder.
Last Christmas break was really rough for me. I was really dark and depressed. I felt far from God. I questioned my salvation. I don't want this break to be like that. On the same token, if it is, how well will I stand under the pressure? Last year I learned that I am a Christian. I am devoted to Yahweh, no matter what. I came to a point where I told him, "You know, God, if I could I would renounce you and live as the world does. I would stop calling myself a Christian. But I can't do it." I know it to be true. I cannot do any other way of life. Even if I tried, I would know the whole time that there is something out there, someone out there who could fill me up. that was a good lesson to learn, but I'd like to learn this break how to pour out into people again.
But then again, we can't choose the lessons we learn, can we?
That was so deep, I had to give it its own paragraph. **insert filler sentence here so I don't give this sentence its own paragraph**
So I'm home now. And that's about it. I don't have many friends here, but I can make some new ones at work. I'm going to spend some time reading and maybe writing and definitely memorizing lines for some play that I'm in...
And I have to stop thinking about certain subjects. Not because these subjects are inherently bad, but because I think I've been glorifying them a bit too much. I've been saying, "Well, things will be better when..." and that kind of scratches contentment with right now off. So I've got to stop thinking about that subject and count on God to work it out instead of me. Man, I'm such a control freak.
I made my deep comment the title of this little entry. I think that's neat.
I'm leaving now.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
737 Cafe
So there I was, at the Zach Vinson/Tide/Some other band concert... I was surrounded by all these trendy people and suddenly felt the desire to update my blog. So here I am. Doing it.
No one even checks this thing anymore, I bet. At least, no one besides Rachel and maybe Michael just to spite me.
I think Mass Media is going to be the death of me. (For those of you who are just joining us, Mass Media in Society is a class I'm taking.) Today, Professor Anderon talked about the need for people to go into the movie industry to change it. People that have a drive to make a difference there. He said that he hoped that this class would provide the opportunity and drive and connections necessary for some Cornerstone students to make a difference in the media industries. That's what he views as his mission. He almost cried, I think. And so did I.
Since I was young, all I ever wanted to do was make video games. It started as an interest, something that I thought would be cool. In third grade, I drew out Mario world levels for cryin out loud! By 7th grade, I was trying to make up Zelda games. In 8th grade, I started what would be my first original world. Since then, I've given spare moments of thought to developing that world and the characters in it.
When I started out with video games, I only cared about the Marios and Zeldas, fun little games with little deeper meaning, but as I got older, I found depth in the Final Fantasy series and other RPGs. I went from just wanting to make games to wanting to make games that are deep and throughtful, with character development, a moving plot, and themes that are thought provoking and possibly even challenging. I wanted to tell life as it is through the medium of a world that isn't. I wanted to deal with real life complexities through virtual living. (And not in a creepy, "let's all play World of Warcraft all day" kind of virtual living.) I wanted to create video games that are counted art as much as literature or film.
But my life has not led me down this path. I love people (something that is compatible with every profession), and I feel compelled to do something about it. I love teaching the Bible. I love using my spiritual gift (shepherding, for those who don't know). I think God has opened up many more doors to develop these gifts and callings than he has for video games. I was given the chance to speak to a 70 student (maybe?) youth ministry on a Sunday morning as a junior in high school. God used a small group I started to affect 20 or more people for him, drawing them closer and deeper into relationship with our God. I've been given a charge to shepherd a group of 13 freshmen. Tons of my friends, mentors, and acquaintances have given me very positive feedback about my skills as a future youth pastor. God has really been good to me.
Coming back to my original assertion (that Mass Media is going to be the death of me), when I leave that class, I feel inspired to be a game designer again. I feel the powerful tug to tell stories that cause people to think and be changed. I start thinking about my dreams and my plans, hoping that God will use a class project to lead me back to game design. I start thinking that it would be okay to be a volunteer in a youth ministry, to have a small group, to still affect positive change on adolescents with my spiritual gift (and besides, how cool would it be for a high school student if their small group leader designed video games?). I could do that. I would be happy. It would be the best of both worlds. Mass Media makes these thoughts go through my brain and makes me dissatisfied with where I am and where I think God is leading me.
I'm so thankful for the peace that I still have that I'm in the right place, though. Over the summer, God gave me this massive peace, like he was saying, "It's okay, Kemp. You're supposed to be at Cornerstone. There's something there you need to have before you leave and you don't have it yet." I still have that peace. Without that, I'd be pulling out my hair.
That is why Mass Media is going to be the death of me.
No one even checks this thing anymore, I bet. At least, no one besides Rachel and maybe Michael just to spite me.
I think Mass Media is going to be the death of me. (For those of you who are just joining us, Mass Media in Society is a class I'm taking.) Today, Professor Anderon talked about the need for people to go into the movie industry to change it. People that have a drive to make a difference there. He said that he hoped that this class would provide the opportunity and drive and connections necessary for some Cornerstone students to make a difference in the media industries. That's what he views as his mission. He almost cried, I think. And so did I.
Since I was young, all I ever wanted to do was make video games. It started as an interest, something that I thought would be cool. In third grade, I drew out Mario world levels for cryin out loud! By 7th grade, I was trying to make up Zelda games. In 8th grade, I started what would be my first original world. Since then, I've given spare moments of thought to developing that world and the characters in it.
When I started out with video games, I only cared about the Marios and Zeldas, fun little games with little deeper meaning, but as I got older, I found depth in the Final Fantasy series and other RPGs. I went from just wanting to make games to wanting to make games that are deep and throughtful, with character development, a moving plot, and themes that are thought provoking and possibly even challenging. I wanted to tell life as it is through the medium of a world that isn't. I wanted to deal with real life complexities through virtual living. (And not in a creepy, "let's all play World of Warcraft all day" kind of virtual living.) I wanted to create video games that are counted art as much as literature or film.
But my life has not led me down this path. I love people (something that is compatible with every profession), and I feel compelled to do something about it. I love teaching the Bible. I love using my spiritual gift (shepherding, for those who don't know). I think God has opened up many more doors to develop these gifts and callings than he has for video games. I was given the chance to speak to a 70 student (maybe?) youth ministry on a Sunday morning as a junior in high school. God used a small group I started to affect 20 or more people for him, drawing them closer and deeper into relationship with our God. I've been given a charge to shepherd a group of 13 freshmen. Tons of my friends, mentors, and acquaintances have given me very positive feedback about my skills as a future youth pastor. God has really been good to me.
Coming back to my original assertion (that Mass Media is going to be the death of me), when I leave that class, I feel inspired to be a game designer again. I feel the powerful tug to tell stories that cause people to think and be changed. I start thinking about my dreams and my plans, hoping that God will use a class project to lead me back to game design. I start thinking that it would be okay to be a volunteer in a youth ministry, to have a small group, to still affect positive change on adolescents with my spiritual gift (and besides, how cool would it be for a high school student if their small group leader designed video games?). I could do that. I would be happy. It would be the best of both worlds. Mass Media makes these thoughts go through my brain and makes me dissatisfied with where I am and where I think God is leading me.
I'm so thankful for the peace that I still have that I'm in the right place, though. Over the summer, God gave me this massive peace, like he was saying, "It's okay, Kemp. You're supposed to be at Cornerstone. There's something there you need to have before you leave and you don't have it yet." I still have that peace. Without that, I'd be pulling out my hair.
That is why Mass Media is going to be the death of me.
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