Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  Like many other bloggers (probably, I think...), here's a small list of things I'm thankful for:

1. Food.  It's a simple thing.  I take it for granted.  
2. Clean water.  Whenever I want it.  It even gets heated! 
3. A family that loves each other.  
4. A mom and dad who are best friends.  Their marriage has never, ever faltered.  They've had to put up with a lot through the years, but I have never doubted their love for one another.
5. Sisters.  I guess.  
6. A full time job that I like that's sort of in my field. 
7. A location for the short film I'm working on.

You know what?  It's positively obscene how much I have to be thankful for.  I am a tremendously blessed person and no list, no matter how long, can capture the number or quality of gifts that the Lord has lavished me with.

Happy Thanksgiving.

On goals.

Every time I look forward to a new phase of life, I tend to write back here on the good ol' blog.

(Side note: it drives me crazy when people put the apostrophe on the wrong side of the contraction. Like 'ol. I've seen it.)

Today was my last day of work until January 11, when I will triumphantly stride back into a newly reorganized CAMS to greet the J-term-ers. So that leaves me with almost a month of free time to manage.

I've been looking ahead to this time, thinking about what I want to do with it and I needed to write it out (so why not publicly? This is the digital age, after all...).

Goals for Winter Break 09-10
1. Read the Qu'ran. I need to expand my mind like my public school friends had to do.
2. Finish applying to Grad schools. Which leads into the next goals...
3. Make a game. A short game, naturally, but something to add to the ol' portfolio. I may actually run some beta versions of the games I have on paper, too.
4. Write. Every day. Again. Some more. Blog, journal entry, poem, script, ideas, short story, anything.
5. Ideate. I need to keep stoking the fire of my imagination again. I want to lead and cast vision (How did that metaphor even start? Casting vision? Flicking the fishing rod of our eyes into the stream of the future? I dunno...)
6. Read a fiction book that isn't part of some canon of things I'm "supposed" to read. I can't even remember the last fiction book I read, let alone the last fiction book that I wasn't forcing myself through...
7. Keep thinking about things. All kinds of things: God, leadership, life, writing. Anything but getting stuck in ruts of thoughts.
8. Love people.
9. Have fun. All this goal setting scares me and exhausts me before the break has even started... Sheesh. I just bought Rock Band 2 and I need to finish The World Ends With You. Lots of fun to be had.


Anyway. That's my list. It's longer than I expected, but that's what I get for wanting to be better at a lot of things...

Summer.

Naturally, my last post indicating that I'd post more was a complete fabrication. Summer has been busier than I expected, oddly enough.

Here are some things that I've learned:

1. Don't stress out so much when you don't have a job. I was asked to do some temporary(ish) work at my school to help keep afloat. It was great. It got me up in the morning, gave me money, and I still had time for youth ministry. I ended up being offered the full time job that started a few weeks ago. For all my early summer worrying about having a job, God knew that I would have one. Instead of worrying, being irritable, and panicking every few minutes, I need to trust God and know that I'll be okay.
2. I am capable of sitting down and re-setting a vision for my life. I've set goals, made a plan, and, so far, the plan is working(ish).
3. I still love theatre. I love the act of creating a character, of burying myself beneath someone else for a short time. In that, I am thankful to honor my God.
4. God is good. I had numerous conversations over the summer with people who are in a doubt-y place in their faith. What struck me is that we were still talking about it. If I really wanted to leave the faith, something kept bringing me back. God keeps drawing us to himself, even when it seems like he may not even exist. And the fact that he draws us to himself means that he is good.

So far, the fall has been thus:

1. Wake up.
2. Go to work.
3. Eat dinner from 6:00 to 7:00.
4. Go to rehearsal until 10:30.
5. Go home and sleep.
6. Repeat.

As awful as it sounds (I literally have 10 - 12 free hours a week.), it has been fantastic. I have found so much life in moving, keeping productive, and being creative. I have the increasing sense that I need to look forward - to keep writing, designing, learning, and making myself a better possible employee.

So, hopefully, fall will be full of that.

Christian Culture != Following Jesus.

Going to a Christian university is a unique experience. Never before have I been so fully immersed in the Christian Protestant subculture. Like any subculture, it comes with its own rules and expectations, taboos and holidays, media and attitudes about that media.

For example, as a 20something year old college student, here are a smattering of beliefs that are (sort of) expected of me:

• I must read my Bible every day, at least a chapter. If I read more, I am more spiritual.
• Pray every day, usually in the morning.
  
• I should probably go into ministry. Full time would be preferable.
• Play the guitar.
• Talk about God a lot. Relate everything I experience to God. Tell everyone I know what I experienced and how it relates to God.
  
• More recently, I must strive to "greenify" my life (after all, God is green), listen to high quality, not-so-obviously-Christian music, and study the traditions of other denominations to gain insight into my own.
  

These are some of the more obvious ones, at least. I'm sure you can think of more, whether you belong to this particular subculture or not.

The question, of course, is where do these expectations come from? Do I have to read my Bible to be a follower of Jesus? Do I have to subscribe to the philosophy that God is Green? If I don't do these things, am I a terrible Christian?

I think that oftentimes in the church, we confuse conforming to these expectations with following Jesus. We think that by learning to play guitar, by listening to the right music, by using the right words at the right time, we can grow closer to God.

But God didn't create me to conform to the culture of the church (contrary to what my IDS 200 professor thought...). He didn't necessarily create me to be the worship leader. He didn't create me to listen to trendy Christian bands and take care of the earth and be an advocate for every cause ever.

He created me to follow Jesus. He created me to follow Jesus.

It's a freeing thought to realize that he did not create me to be the pinnacle of Christian culture. He created me to be me. I'm supposed to be an agent of change, a lover of people, a creative person, and the scores of other things that I feel called to be.

But I am not called to be the trendy pastor with thick rimmed glasses. I am called to follow Jesus. Not the new trendy worship leader. Not the new trendy cause. Not the new trendy band or lingo or interpretation of Scripture. Jesus.

I want to be the guy that is outside of Christian culture, but totally into Jesus. I want to follow him in and out of it as he leads, but I do not want to keep him (or me) trapped in the entirely cultural and temporary expectations of our modern Christendom.

(P.S. About the title... In programming languages, an exclamation point means "the opposite of," therefore it reads "Christian Culture does not equal following Jesus." The end.)

Entitlement

Remember that one time I had a blog? Yeah... that was a good time.

I'm working on learning a little bit of Game Maker right now (search it on Google... I don't feel like linking...) It's good times.

As I was sitting outside in the beautiful sun today, I was watching some bugs move around on the grass. I figured maybe it looked fun. Maybe I should make a gameplay experiment about jumping around on different sized platforms, just to see if I can make it fun.

Then I remembered: I want to be a game designer and I should probably learn and make some...

Church was good this morning. We've been going through 2 Chronicles something or other: "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and I will hear their land." Today was "turn from their wicked ways." Good times.

Jason said something this morning that resonated a bit with me, though, that I'll share here. In talking about sin and specifically some things in the congregation, he mentioned that "out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." But how much moreso our bodies act? What is the heart behind my actions? (A question that has been plaguing me for some time...)

I guess lately, I've had a bit of an entitlement attitude. I've been expecting life to go my way without any hard work. I have not been learning how to design video games, I have not been spending time outside of my schoolwork writing or concepting. I only applied at a few places to work this summer - no wonder I'm stuck at a movie theater working weekends!

If I feel entitled now and act this way now, how much more so will I act when I have a college degree? In my observation, jobs don't come from hard work. I've always been taught that "It's not what you know, it's who you know." It's not how hard you work, it's knowing people that will give you a job anyway. That's not how the world is going to work out of college. We don't know anyone (at least, I don't). I need to kick this entitled attitude right in the rear now.

Another thought I had in church: In America, we feel entitled, like it is our right to freedom, our right to riches, our right to upper-middle class subdivisions, an SUV, and 2.5 children. This is exactly the attitude that our forefathers fought against! We feel like we deserve what we get - they worked hard to get it. There are many days that I wish I was more like generations past in work ethic and attitude.

Anyway, that's enough rambling for now. (These things are always longer when I look at them than when I type them...)