Jared Ransom brought me back my journal! It was left in his love nest (that he just cleaned for his honey. Awww....).
Just an update.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Dear Journal,
I lost my journal.
It's not that I'm a prolific writer in my journal (I update it as often as I do this blog...), heavens no. In fact, it's because I have written in it so infrequently that I want it back so badly.
I received this journal as a Christmas gift my senior year of high school. My grandparents wrote that its purpose was to record the momentous occasions that I would face in my new year as a college student. My first entry was January 4, 2005.
This journal has lasted me almost four whole years. Four years of drama, thoughts, observations, and journey. Almost all of it was written when I was in a winter period of my life. In it are my justifications for going into ministry, my uncomfortability with it, and switch back into media as a career.
The most paralyzing thought is not "What if someone reads it?" but "Now I can't read it." I kept that journal to record my thoughts so that I would not forget events, feelings, and thoughts. I would remember what it's like to be confused about my career.
Through my journal, I can see the trends God has built into my life. I can remember the lessons he's taught me that I so quickly forget otherwise. And now it's gone. Possibly never to return.
Now, all I've got is this blog (and my long defunct Xanga that I'm not linking anyone to) to keep my lessons, thoughts, and memories. Not a good sign.
So, grieve, my friends. And write in your own journals. Use them well. Remember and learn from your own past. Because I can't. *sob*
(This inspiring post brought to you by my own self-pity....wah.)
It's not that I'm a prolific writer in my journal (I update it as often as I do this blog...), heavens no. In fact, it's because I have written in it so infrequently that I want it back so badly.
I received this journal as a Christmas gift my senior year of high school. My grandparents wrote that its purpose was to record the momentous occasions that I would face in my new year as a college student. My first entry was January 4, 2005.
This journal has lasted me almost four whole years. Four years of drama, thoughts, observations, and journey. Almost all of it was written when I was in a winter period of my life. In it are my justifications for going into ministry, my uncomfortability with it, and switch back into media as a career.
The most paralyzing thought is not "What if someone reads it?" but "Now I can't read it." I kept that journal to record my thoughts so that I would not forget events, feelings, and thoughts. I would remember what it's like to be confused about my career.
Through my journal, I can see the trends God has built into my life. I can remember the lessons he's taught me that I so quickly forget otherwise. And now it's gone. Possibly never to return.
Now, all I've got is this blog (and my long defunct Xanga that I'm not linking anyone to) to keep my lessons, thoughts, and memories. Not a good sign.
So, grieve, my friends. And write in your own journals. Use them well. Remember and learn from your own past. Because I can't. *sob*
(This inspiring post brought to you by my own self-pity....wah.)
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Christian Culture != Following Jesus.
Going to a Christian university is a unique experience. Never before have I been so fully immersed in the Christian Protestant subculture. Like any subculture, it comes with its own rules and expectations, taboos and holidays, media and attitudes about that media.
For example, as a 20something year old college student, here are a smattering of beliefs that are (sort of) expected of me:
The question, of course, is where do these expectations come from? Do I have to read my Bible to be a follower of Jesus? Do I have to subscribe to the philosophy that God is Green? If I don't do these things, am I a terrible Christian?
I think that oftentimes in the church, we confuse conforming to these expectations with following Jesus. We think that by learning to play guitar, by listening to the right music, by using the right words at the right time, we can grow closer to God.
But God didn't create me to conform to the culture of the church (contrary to what my IDS 200 professor thought...). He didn't necessarily create me to be the worship leader. He didn't create me to listen to trendy Christian bands and take care of the earth and be an advocate for every cause ever.
He created me to follow Jesus. He created me to follow Jesus.
It's a freeing thought to realize that he did not create me to be the pinnacle of Christian culture. He created me to be me. I'm supposed to be an agent of change, a lover of people, a creative person, and the scores of other things that I feel called to be.
But I am not called to be the trendy pastor with thick rimmed glasses. I am called to follow Jesus. Not the new trendy worship leader. Not the new trendy cause. Not the new trendy band or lingo or interpretation of Scripture. Jesus.
I want to be the guy that is outside of Christian culture, but totally into Jesus. I want to follow him in and out of it as he leads, but I do not want to keep him (or me) trapped in the entirely cultural and temporary expectations of our modern Christendom.
(P.S. About the title... In programming languages, an exclamation point means "the opposite of," therefore it reads "Christian Culture does not equal following Jesus." The end.)
For example, as a 20something year old college student, here are a smattering of beliefs that are (sort of) expected of me:
- I must read my Bible every day, at least a chapter. If I read more, I am more spiritual.
- Pray every day, usually in the morning.
- I should probably go into ministry. Full time would be preferable.
- Play the guitar.
- Talk about God a lot. Relate everything I experience to God. Tell everyone I know what I experienced and how it relates to God.
- More recently, I must strive to "greenify" my life (after all, God is green), listen to high quality, not-so-obviously-Christian music, and study the traditions of other denominations to gain insight into my own.
The question, of course, is where do these expectations come from? Do I have to read my Bible to be a follower of Jesus? Do I have to subscribe to the philosophy that God is Green? If I don't do these things, am I a terrible Christian?
I think that oftentimes in the church, we confuse conforming to these expectations with following Jesus. We think that by learning to play guitar, by listening to the right music, by using the right words at the right time, we can grow closer to God.
But God didn't create me to conform to the culture of the church (contrary to what my IDS 200 professor thought...). He didn't necessarily create me to be the worship leader. He didn't create me to listen to trendy Christian bands and take care of the earth and be an advocate for every cause ever.
He created me to follow Jesus. He created me to follow Jesus.
It's a freeing thought to realize that he did not create me to be the pinnacle of Christian culture. He created me to be me. I'm supposed to be an agent of change, a lover of people, a creative person, and the scores of other things that I feel called to be.
But I am not called to be the trendy pastor with thick rimmed glasses. I am called to follow Jesus. Not the new trendy worship leader. Not the new trendy cause. Not the new trendy band or lingo or interpretation of Scripture. Jesus.
I want to be the guy that is outside of Christian culture, but totally into Jesus. I want to follow him in and out of it as he leads, but I do not want to keep him (or me) trapped in the entirely cultural and temporary expectations of our modern Christendom.
(P.S. About the title... In programming languages, an exclamation point means "the opposite of," therefore it reads "Christian Culture does not equal following Jesus." The end.)
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