Setbacks

I thought I would chronicle my setbacks of yesterday. I've found it very healthy to retell them. I figure that way I will continue to view them simply as setbacks and I will learn more from them.

I called the division chair at Ferris State University who is in charge of their game design program. He didn't pick up, so I left a message explaining a bit of who I am, that I want to take some classes at Ferris, and for him to call me back to talk about it.

Right after that, I decided to go pop in on Dave Anderson's office, just to see if he was there.
(He's the guy on campus that teaches story for video games at Ferris.) He happened to have been in his office, so I explained to him what I was trying to do at Ferris. Ultimately, he kind of skirted around telling me that it was highly unlikely to happen - at least, not without enrolling at Ferris quite separately.

So, one idea shot down. No big deal.

I continued to tell him that I also had an idea for an independent study course that would teach me video game design stuff. I told him that it would be a kind of guided reading course where I would read design books and articles, play some video games, and write some papers applying what I learn in the books to the games. Perhaps the culmination of the course would be in writing up a design document for an original game.

Now, as an aside here, my understanding of independent study courses was that they were just that. The professor who was tied to it was kind of a formality - someone who would check on you every once in a while, read your papers, and make sure you were making progress. This was not Dave Anderson's understanding. Apparently, independent study professors are supposed to have some kind of expertise in the field of study. So, he told me that he would be unable to help me (in a round about kind of way, though).

So that's two major ideas for my education shot down. Drats.

I was whining about this to Leesa Lehmann and she suggested talking to Perini. After all, he does design games. So I talked to Perini, who was much more helpful. He said that he would be open to it next Fall semester, as long as I got together as many resources as I could (books, syllabi, project rubrics). One of his suggestions was to email my future grad school department chair and ask him for suggestions.

So that's only one and a half ideas. That's good.

The last thing that really got to me was that I told the CEO of the company I'm trying to intern for that I would get him a resume by Tuesday. I stayed up til 3:00 in the morning to finish it, and, for the most part, it was finished.

That experience alone taught me a ton. Like the importance of a cover letter.

Tuesday kept going and I had still not put the finishing touches on the resume. It wouldn't take too long. But then I realized that I should type up a cover letter (they're a bit complicated...). Ultimately, I didn't send the resume until 10:00 Tuesday night with only a brief cover letter. I know that I still got it to him on Tuesday, but the implication was that I would do so in the workday. My not doing that small task on time may have shaken his confidence in my ability to do more important tasks in a timely manner.

This may not break my chances at that company, though (I think he's pretty desperate). If it does, I've learned a ton. I've updated my resume, learned about cover letters, and applied to a company - a step I've never quite undertaken before.

I can now take everything I'm learning to Silicon Knights, the Canadian game developer I would love to work for. I should definitely have a cover letter for that...

So that's that long story. Sorry bout that.

Just checking

So I'm working on a resume right now and the CEO wanted me to attach a picture. He says it makes hiring people and working with them online way easier. Unfortunately, the only somewhat decent picture I have is 2 years old and my hair is still way long.

Does anyone have any recent pictures of just me when my hair is not ridiculously long?

Good news!

So all that internal locus of control stuff might actually work. Especially when others are playing along.

The CEO I was going to email today? Yeah. Totally emailed him.

He totally replied within 6 hours of my email. With good news. Possible internship news.

It still may be early for me to get my hopes up, especially since I don't exactly have any marketable skills - not even as a code monkey. But! There is hope.

So if you could continue to pray for me, friends (heck, even enemies. It'd be good for both of us.), I would be greatly appreciative.

An Internal Locus of Control

So I'm pretty much intimidated out of my mind right now.

I just looked through a few game design and development blogs. Almost every one of them has had a "How to break into the industry" subpage - since they get asked so often.

Examples (just for kicks):
Zen of Design
GameCareerGuide.com
Psychochild

Their advice is certainly informative, but disheartening. Let's take Zen of Design's list for example:

• Entry positions are rare - Companies don't hire people straight out of school because there are always experienced people in the market.
• Get in the door any way you can - answer phones, do Quality Assurance work, whatever. Suck it up and get in.
• Build a portfolio - That's what college is for. Show potential employers some kind of finished product - whether NeverWinter Nights mods or simple flash games.
• Prove you can finish - Ideas are cheap. Everyone in the industry has about 100 great ideas they can use any time. You must be able to execute.
• Build networks - 'Nuff said.
• Do anything to get a game industry line on your resume - Intern, do freelance work, or work for a startup
• Accept that you'll be the low man on the totem pole - Be willing to learn. Don't be a brown-noser, but be humble.
• Excel - Be good at what you do.

So that's that. It's quite terrifying, considering I don't have many opportunities to do this stuff. But, in order to shift to an internal locus of control for my life (thank you psychology), I shall list how I'm planning on overcoming these crazy things.

• Hrm... I guess I can't do much about this except be good at the rest.
• I'm emailing a CEO of a small company tomorrow. I'll be emailing other companies in the next week or so looking for internships.
• I have two options here: wait for grad school to come around, or do something slightly out of the ordinary. I'm not much of an artist or a programmer and I don't have a team to work with (I believe that's been pointed out). What can I do? Story. How can I show them proof of interactive story concepts and execution? Dungeons and Dragons, baby.
  
• Well, this is probably accomplished by actually doing any and all of the above.
• Networking is always a challenge for me, but I'm seeing what I can do to go to the Game Developer's Conference in San Francisco in March. Also, I'm going to ask said CEO if he might be able to be a contact for me just to grab advice from every once in a while.
• Again, internships.
• Honestly, this is a personal and spiritual growth issue. I'd like to be confident and know I'm good at what I do, but at the same time, I must always remember that there are others that are better. Especially there.
• Yeah... I guess I just need to do this...

So there's all that. You, dear Reader, have now borne witness to my mindset trying to change. I think I'm going to write a different post now. Bye bye.

Question

What does it mean to be a man?
What is the journey from boyhood to manhood? When can one say that one has arrived?


This is pertinent in more ways than one. The reason why I'm asking it now is because Trevor and I are writing a story for class that's kind of about this.

So, yeah. Talk amongst yourselves.