Warm nights.

It is 62 degrees Fahrenheit outside right now. Before I went to work, I saw the sun. After work, I put all the windows down and opened the sun roof. This is, like, the best day ever.

There's something about 60 degree weather at night that rejuvenates my soul. Perhaps it is the Florida blood. Maybe it's something else. But right now, I could go for just about anything.

Specifically, sitting on the back porch of a house on a patio that I helped build and decorate with some nice icicle lights and Japanese lanterns. With a small fire. And something warm to drink. And someone to enjoy it with.

I hope the future comes soon.

Update.

The 500 words a day has been going alright.... I let myself off yesterday, but I think I still only managed 800ish this week so far. Shame on me.

I started a trial subscription to Gamefly.... That's been my undoing. But I have been able to play some games I couldn't afford this year. Mass Effect is pretty much amazing. Bioshock is also, but I probably won't play as much of it...

Also, this is not a feeble attempt to boost word count. I already did that here, with my review-thus-far of Bioshock. I need to get that blog up and moving faster if I'm going to have a chance of getting an article published. (Bwa ha ha!)

New disciplines.

As is my custom for school breaks, I have made a small list of things I want to accomplish with my break. There are books I want to read, relationships I want to cultivate, games I want to play, etc...

This break, I have decided to write 500 words a day, 6 days a week. It can be anything: a blog post (heh heh...), a journal entry, a screenplay, a radio drama, a poem (I count poems as the full 500, though. They're hard.), etc... The point is to make a habit out of writing.

It has been about as hard as I expected. Naturally, I have only written maybe 1000 words so far. The other night, I actually let myself get by with the excuse that I didn't have anything to write, that I was dry.

That's sort of the point of a discipline, isn't it? That you do it even when you don't want to or feel like you can't?

I hope it doesn't degrade to me updating this blog over and over again in a desperate attempt to boost my word count.

Something found.

I found this in an old file on my hard drive. I wrote it July 2007 while I was sitting in my backyard bored. To contextualize it a little more, there were many strange noises coming from just on the other side of the woods in my backyard. Anyway, here it is:

Sometimes I think there’s a war going on in my backyard, just beyond the woods. I hear the rat-a-tat-tat of sub machine guns, a helicopter making a pass, and the occasional shout of orders. The thought of an insurrection war briefly passes through my mind, where thousands of normal citizens suddenly begin trying to take over places of power or just killing random citizens – kinda like Red Dawn, but from the inside.

It scares me. I consider running inside and locking myself and my sister in our basement. I want to call my parents and my other sister to make sure that they know to stay somewhere safe rather than come home to a war zone. I just about grab the remote to see if the media is on to this start up war on our home soil but another scary thought grabs me.

What if the media are in on it? What if the battles escape the news’ attention? No one would know that there are dead bodies piling up across the woods as a father desperately tries to defend his home and family from soldiers that would have them dead.

What if the cavalry didn’t know to come in? What if there was no cavalry? What if we were left to be citizen-soldiers? Could I do it? Could you?

I wonder if this is what the citizens of Iraq feel like every day. They don’t know if the rat-a-tat-tat is some kind of construction equipment or a machine gun. That big boom could be a demolition of an old house or a suicide bomber in the middle of the market. They don’t know until they run toward the sound, fearing the worst.

I stay in my backyard recliner. The noises keep going, but I don’t investigate. I don’t get up to turn on the TV, I don’t check online. I sit here, wondering if war is going on just beyond my woods and do nothing. I tell myself that it’s just an overactive imagination. Earlier, I saw a plane come out of nowhere accompanied by a strange sound and immediately thought that it must have been displaced here from the Bermuda Triangle in the 60s. Those sounds you hear are just construction. Real guns would be louder. A real battle wouldn’t take this long. If something really bad was happening, somehow, you would find out.

But the noises keep going. And I can’t think of any construction equipment that sounds like that. In the end, I’m not sure what keeps me to this chair – the tea, the laptop, the fear that my overactive imagination is right, or the fear that my overactive imagination is wrong?

Words Seldom Said, Ep. 1.

I was thinking the other day about words in Christianity that are super important but rarely talked about - especially in churches. For instance,

• Covenant - The entirety of the Old Testament is grounded in the idea that our God is a covenant keeping God. He chose Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as his people, making covenants with them to secure their relationship. It is his covenant that kept him from completely wiping out Israel many times. It is his covenant that eventually provided for the coming of Jesus to bring his people to him permanently.
  

• Context - One of the first words I learned in my Bible classes was context. Without an understanding of the historical and literary context of scripture, we'll never be able to responsibly interpret it.

That's all I had when I originally wrote this a few weeks ago. As I think of more, I'll post them.

Anyone have any others?

The Jetsons and Post-modernism.

My biggest concern about American life as we know it is not gay marriage, the economy, our dependence on foreign oil, or the apathy that has spread across our political institutions.

It's our imagination.

Look at the products our imagination has produced in the past 20 years, especially with regards to our future. There's Blade Runner, the father of modern cyberpunk (and hardly a happy look into what will be...), the Mad Max movies, Terminator, Children of Men, Babylon A.D... The list could go on.

What about our video games? Video games have thrived on sci-fi and fantasy tropes. Post-apocalypse is what we do. From Fallout to the Metal Gear Solid series, video games hardly have a positive vision of the future. It almost seems as though humanity knows and/or fears that we are nearing the end, that we're not going to make it without some serious cataclysm.

What happened to the Jetsons, cheesy as they were? Or Star Trek? These shows captured our imaginations and showed us that the future, despite what the present seemed to indicate, will be bright.

Which brings me to my fear: if we cannot even imagine a solution to the multitude of problems our generation faces, how will we overcome them? Without even an unrealistic solution, how can we begin to work towards anything?

In part, I think the problem lies with post-modernism. (No, I am not a post-modernism hater. Actually, I am sort of post-modern to post-modernity.) Post-modernism has (justifiably) rejected the hope that modernism had in the progress of man. But at what cost? When will we allow ourselves to have hope in anything again?

This thought has become somewhat of a conviction. I've mostly stopped working on one of my favorite story ideas because it is more post-apocalyptic than I'd like it to be. I believe it is the task of the storytellers and artists to craft a more positive vision of the future, giving us, if nothing else, the hope that we can go on.

Jared is a peach!

Jared Ransom brought me back my journal! It was left in his love nest (that he just cleaned for his honey. Awww....).

Just an update.

Dear Journal,

I lost my journal.

It's not that I'm a prolific writer in my journal (I update it as often as I do this blog...), heavens no. In fact, it's because I have written in it so infrequently that I want it back so badly.

I received this journal as a Christmas gift my senior year of high school. My grandparents wrote that its purpose was to record the momentous occasions that I would face in my new year as a college student. My first entry was January 4, 2005.

This journal has lasted me almost four whole years. Four years of drama, thoughts, observations, and journey. Almost all of it was written when I was in a winter period of my life. In it are my justifications for going into ministry, my uncomfortability with it, and switch back into media as a career.

The most paralyzing thought is not "What if someone reads it?" but "Now I can't read it." I kept that journal to record my thoughts so that I would not forget events, feelings, and thoughts. I would remember what it's like to be confused about my career.

Through my journal, I can see the trends God has built into my life. I can remember the lessons he's taught me that I so quickly forget otherwise. And now it's gone. Possibly never to return.

Now, all I've got is this blog (and my long defunct Xanga that I'm not linking anyone to) to keep my lessons, thoughts, and memories. Not a good sign.

So, grieve, my friends. And write in your own journals. Use them well. Remember and learn from your own past. Because I can't. *sob*

(This inspiring post brought to you by my own self-pity....wah.)

Christian Culture != Following Jesus.

Going to a Christian university is a unique experience. Never before have I been so fully immersed in the Christian Protestant subculture. Like any subculture, it comes with its own rules and expectations, taboos and holidays, media and attitudes about that media.

For example, as a 20something year old college student, here are a smattering of beliefs that are (sort of) expected of me:

• I must read my Bible every day, at least a chapter. If I read more, I am more spiritual.
• Pray every day, usually in the morning.
  
• I should probably go into ministry. Full time would be preferable.
• Play the guitar.
• Talk about God a lot. Relate everything I experience to God. Tell everyone I know what I experienced and how it relates to God.
  
• More recently, I must strive to "greenify" my life (after all, God is green), listen to high quality, not-so-obviously-Christian music, and study the traditions of other denominations to gain insight into my own.
  

These are some of the more obvious ones, at least. I'm sure you can think of more, whether you belong to this particular subculture or not.

The question, of course, is where do these expectations come from? Do I have to read my Bible to be a follower of Jesus? Do I have to subscribe to the philosophy that God is Green? If I don't do these things, am I a terrible Christian?

I think that oftentimes in the church, we confuse conforming to these expectations with following Jesus. We think that by learning to play guitar, by listening to the right music, by using the right words at the right time, we can grow closer to God.

But God didn't create me to conform to the culture of the church (contrary to what my IDS 200 professor thought...). He didn't necessarily create me to be the worship leader. He didn't create me to listen to trendy Christian bands and take care of the earth and be an advocate for every cause ever.

He created me to follow Jesus. He created me to follow Jesus.

It's a freeing thought to realize that he did not create me to be the pinnacle of Christian culture. He created me to be me. I'm supposed to be an agent of change, a lover of people, a creative person, and the scores of other things that I feel called to be.

But I am not called to be the trendy pastor with thick rimmed glasses. I am called to follow Jesus. Not the new trendy worship leader. Not the new trendy cause. Not the new trendy band or lingo or interpretation of Scripture. Jesus.

I want to be the guy that is outside of Christian culture, but totally into Jesus. I want to follow him in and out of it as he leads, but I do not want to keep him (or me) trapped in the entirely cultural and temporary expectations of our modern Christendom.

(P.S. About the title... In programming languages, an exclamation point means "the opposite of," therefore it reads "Christian Culture does not equal following Jesus." The end.)

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Found this from a game blog I read.:

Your First Name of: Kemp

• Although the name Kemp creates an active mind and a restless urge to explore new ideas, we emphasize that it causes an emotional intensity that is hard to control.
  
• This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the solar plexus, and nervous system.
• The name of Kemp gives you a very inquisitive, restless, seeking nature.
  
• You feel impelled by intense desires that you cannot comprehend or satisfy.
  
• You have had the desire to accomplish something outstanding and to do something very worthwhile for humanity, especially early in your life.
  
• This name gives you a versatile, clever, analytical mind, but unfortunately you cannot direct your interest toward an undertaking for long, as you do not have the patience and practicality for systematic hard work and attention to detail.
  
• You resent obstacles, delays, and restrictions.
  
• This name gives you ambition, high ideals, and much creative ability, but the intense dynamic nature is too often spent in feelings and in moods, rather than in constructive action.

Bootstraps vs. Blessings

I've been thinking about my career a lot lately. About what I want to do, how I'm going to get there, if I'm going to get there...

I seem to be under pressure from two equal and (seemingly) opposite philosophies, both with support.

The first is the one most commonly produced by the Christian community. The main idea is that if God wants you someplace, he will place you there. Where you are right now is where you're supposed to be. God created beings, not doings.

In my life, this looks kinda like this: Youth ministry - I like doing it, but I haven't been. Free time to build relationships and not be super stressed. Take time to live, breathe, observe, love people, etc.

With this train of thought, if God wanted me to become a game designer, he would place me in a position to be a game designer. I should still do all my class work and such (I must, after all, be faithful to all of what must be done today - not just the relational stuff.), but I shouldn't stress out so much about getting into the competitive field of game design. Perhaps some good connections through a God-provided internship will help me. Or the sister of one of my middle schoolers' parents works for Junction Point Studios and would love to have me on. Either way, I shouldn't worry about it and go go go like crazy to make it into the industry on my own.

Taking this attitude means that I don't have to worry so much about whether or not I'm creating games in my free time or not. It means that I don't have to feel guilty about not using the time I've set aside for "career time" properly. It means that I've run out of excuses for getting involved in youth ministry.

But it's not the only attitude to have.

The other attitude is the one that I hear preached most often when looking up game design career stuff. This is the typical American do-it-yourself. To get into the industry, I must be learning as much as I can about games, history, design (in every sense of the word), programming, sociology, psychology, etc... When I'm not doing that, I should be playing video games in an analytical fashion, designing games for fun (by myself and with others), and networking, networking, networking.

From the Christian angle, this means being very intentional in developing the gifts that God has given me to get to the place I believe God has called me to. It means staying focused and not letting the Enemy distract me from the goal. This is also where I get a little defensive and tell myself, "You can't let them [whoever "them" is] think that you don't work hard just because you're a Christian. You've got to work hard to His glory! That will show them that my God is too big[, too just, too holy, too whatever...] to be used as a crutch [or excuse, or scapegoat for unsuccess] by humans." Or something like that.

Practically, this "bootstraps" philosophy means that I do just that: I pull myself up by my own bootstraps. I make things happen for myself. I work hard to get where I want to go.

The problem there being (and this could be my Christian sub-culture getting through, rather than the real word of God) that there's so much "I" in those statements. There is very little "God through me."

The other problem, of course, is that I simply do not enjoy doing some of that stuff. I don't want to be so dedicated to my career that I don't have time for relationships, family, church, leading a small group, or helping with my son's Boy Scout troop someday. I never want my career to be all consuming and I feel like if I'm consumed just to get there, I'll never stop being consumed.

So as I look to my senior year of college, I ask myself what I want to dedicate myself to. Is it to the pursuit of a career? If I don't do that - if I don't work myself silly making product - there is little chance of me getting into grad school, getting a job, or ever working in a field that I'm passionate about. Or do I pursue wholeness, simplicity, and God's increasing hold on my life? If I don't do that, who knows what will happen to me... I will probably become someone I don't want to be.

Now, before I get a bunch of comments saying this exact thing, I'm sure a middle of the road procedure would be best. But the practicality of the matter is that it's never that simple and sometimes impossible choices favoring one side or the other have to be made.

I guess the question is what is God really calling me to? And how serious do I need to be to get there?

(Possible) woops.

So I linked this blog with my Facebook notes. Now my thoughts are really open for all the world to see. Possibly even on their news feeds (until I change that).

Why?

Because I'll hopefully be updating this more as the semester starts and I start giving myself a words per day routine.

Because I want to be a better writer and the only way to do that is to write and let people read it.

Because I sometimes have thoughts I want to share with people and gain their thoughts from but my blog doesn't get much traffic.

Because I'm tired and my decision making probably isn't the best.

Goodnight, world.

TheKempest.

I've written about my name before, but I was thinking about it some more tonight (as I was laying in bed, unable to sleep. Again.).

It all started last week when I (finally) got my Xbox 360 hooked up to Xbox Live, their internet service. On the console, you can choose a Gamertag. I chose TheKemp. The idea is that you then connect to Xbox Live and you can use the same name. Of course, when I chose TheKemp, I thought, "No one else in the world is named Kemp. There's no way this one will be taken."

It was.

Microsoft would not let me be "TheKemp" because there already was a "TheKemp" out there somewhere.

So I had to one up this "TheKemp." I would not allow him (or her. Who knows?) to take my name! My new Gamertag? TheKempest. I am much more Kemp than any other Kemp in the world. (Unfortunately, it looks like I'm trying to wordplay both my name and "tempest" like some middle schooler who acts like he's really good at Halo but really is quite mediocre.)

Which got me thinking: what does that mean? What does it mean to be more Kemp than anyone else in the world? Do I associate certain qualities as being Kemp and certain qualities as being unKemp (or unkempt. ha.)?

I know that my name does mean a lot to me. I'm glad that I can't easily find any other person on Facebook with the name of Kemp. I'm glad that when I meet people, I am the only way they can define the word. They have never known a Kemp before me and chances are that they will never know a Kemp after me. My self will never be separated from the word "Kemp" by other Kemps out there as the expecations of Michaels and Johns are.

(Side notes: I just wrote my name more than I ever have in my life. What a weird name! An M and a P right next to each other? Who decided to name their child that? What the heck...)

All this slightly disassociated narcissistic talk to come down to this point: God has a name. In Exodus 3, Moses is sent on a mission by the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Moses falters several times in the conversation, but eventually asks, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"

In the religions of the ancient near east, knowing a name gave you power over that person or force. Knowing my name gives you some power over me even still. At work, I freak out all the time when people pick my name off my name tag. I am immediately more friendly (mostly because I'm not sure if I really do know them or not). When people shout your name from across a crowded room, no matter how likely it is that there are others that share your name, you turn in that direction. Moses is sort of asking for that kind of power, only much more intense.

And the Creator of the Universe, Elohim, responds: "I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'"

God's name is I Am. His very name speaks of existence. Pure, unadulterated, independent, noncontingent existence.

There is none of Descartes' famous, "I think..." before it. He just is.

Two thoughts out of this (both more or less half baked):
1. When we say "I am," are we using the Lord's name in vain? Are we willing ourselves into existence, as if that were possible? Are we, through the very nature of our own language, calling God from across the room every time we say something about ourselves? Does God turn his head attentively only to find out we were talking to the other "I Am" in the room? (P.S. There is no other I Am.)

2. (This one's even less baked...) Does our existence cry the name of God? If he is existence and being, then we, through our contingent being constantly call attention back to the one without whom we would not exist. Through this (obnoxiously deep, convoluted, and) philosophical lens, it makes sense that the purpose of human life is to glorify God. We are, after all, merely borrowing from his existence...

3. (I know I said two, but then I reread the top and this point has to be made at least a little...) What attributes are distinctly God's? As I was reflecting on what made me the "Kempest" of all the Kemps, what makes I AM the most I AMest of all the I ams?

This question is, of course, answereable (at least a little) through a good theology book, but it does merit more thought.

Later.

P.S. Fun idea to try with your friends! Take the ideas from my reflection on my name earlier in this entry and think about how God feels in the same situation. Good times.

Why I'm not all about player agency.

I have a problem.

I want to be a video game designer, but I don't always agree with how the industry and culture is moving, behaving, and expecting, especially when it comes to story and narrative design.

You see, 0ne of the fancy shmancy terms tossed around by game designers from time to time is "player agency." It is the idea that the player is in control of the story. Games like Oblivion or Grand Theft Auto put quite a lot of agency into the hands of the player - their stories are mostly optional, discovered through what missions the player chooses and how they complete them. These games take pride in the agency of the player - the ability for the player to determine the course of the story. These games stand in stark contrast to many role playing games like the Final Fantasy series, where the story unfolds in a linear fashion and the player makes limited decisions that don't really affect the outcome of the characters' actions.

Popular opinion in the video game industry is to put more and more power in the hands of the players - let them make their own stories. In this camp, the role of the designer is to create an interesting world and starting conditions for the player's own creative expression. The player is free to participate in the telling of the story by telling it how they want it told. They determine protagonist, antagonist, conflict, desire, obstacle - everything. Through this, players can compare notes (stories) revolving around the question, "What did you do?" or "How did you get past that boss?"

But are players ever going to really interact with the game in a meaningful way? Will they be changed by the stories they tell in the same way that an audience is changed in other media?

I don't think so. I tend to think that players, when left to their own devices, are highly unlikely to tell a story of nuance, meaning, and thematic significance, no matter the tools they are given.

So why the obsession with player agency? Why do we buck so much the hand of a good designer/storyteller?

More personally, why am I so comfortable with it? My favorite games are ones in which I am a participant in a larger story - games where I assume the role of a character, rather than creating one myself. These games, through their gameplay (to a small extent) and their story, create meaning, thought, and, ultimately, change in how I view the world. (Drop everything you're doing and play Final Fantasy Tactics all the way through - you'll understand what I mean.)

Perhaps it all comes down to theology.

I think a large part of my struggle is that I have little problem trusting someone else to tell my story. I submit myself daily to the story that God is telling, to following his son with my life, and to the wonderful power of his themes and signficance. I have no problem believing that someone behind the scenes knows more than I do and has something to teach me.

Maybe running to player agency is really just a small part of the rebellion coming out in a new way - people trying to control their own lives and tell their own stories, and meaning nothing in the process.

Now before anyone reads this and gets all upitty about some judgmental Christian banter and blah-blah-blah, I'm not writing this to condemn the idea of player agency or to suggest that those who hold to that narrative theory are rebels, sinners, and godless fools. Rather, I write it to defend my own instinct toward authorial control.

If video games can be (and are) a powerful and somewhat accurate metaphor for life, then just as I believe there is a Designer of the world who arranges things for meaning and purpose for our good, so too I believe a human designer can inject some of that meaning and purpose for the good of his characters and players. Just as we as humans find life most fulfilling while following Jesus, I think it can be apt that players will find a well designed game most fulfilling when they follow the plan (or story or whatever) of the designer.

As with so many of my ideas, I'm not sure if everything came through effectively, so I'll summarize as simply as I can: If life has a designer who has a plan that we should follow, why shouldn't video games?

(Inspiration for this post brought to you by The Brainy Gamer. Read the comments and follow links. There's good times in there.)

Dreams.

It's 3:00 am. I can't sleep. But I can't stop dreaming.

One thing that I haven't (but at the same time, have) been doing a lot of is dreaming. I've spent the past few years dreaming of who I want to become, but not much dreaming about what I want to do - specific things that I want to accomplish at some point in my life.

As I'm laying here, trying every way I know how to get to sleep, ideas of "doings" have come into my brainplaces and I might as well write them down. Some of these are definites, some are maybes, some are "it'd be kinda cool if's," but they're all dreams of things I want to do in my life.

• Live of off 60% of my income. That would leave 10% to church, 10% to short term, emergency fund type savings, 10% to long term type savings (retirement, kids college, etc.), and 10% just to give away at some point (in small or large doses, depending on God).
• Lead a small group of middle school or high school boys.
  
• Be a part of a professional video game - enough to get me on the credits.
• To be credited as a writer on some sort of art, be it film, TV, novel, video game, etc...
• At some point, to work with my wife in the sense of a job.
• To own my own small company for side projects (works well with the previous idea).
  
• Write a book (about what, I haven't the foggiest, but it'd be cool).
  
• Live the somewhat urban life.
• Live a somewhat rural life.
• Have a spiritual retreat weekend.
• Get married to the love of my life.
• Sing a solo in a musical. Maybe not a lead part, but that one character who shows up in Act 2 as being really important who gets a song or two to themselves.
  
• Institute some non-cheesy rites of passage for my son.
• Write a story that gets adapted to multiple media.
• Have best friends and hang out with them frequently as I have a family and as my children grow up.
• Assemble a team of some of the best people I know to accomplish something. (In other words, to have an excuse to bring together the talented people I've known over the years (and will continue to meet) for one (or two, or three) awesome project.)
• Build a dream house someday on some property with a good deal of woods.
• Own two dogs. At the same time.
  
• Have a Japanese themed kitchen, complete with tea set, bamboo placemats, chop sticks, and plates.
• Give away a car.
• Speak at a camp. (Like church camp.)
  
• Speak at a conference. (Like GDC.)
• Take a homeless man out to dinner.
• Write a certain number of words per day. (Starting small...)
  
• Meet with someone further behind me in their journey once a week. Buy them coffee.
• Meet with someone further ahead of me in their journey once a week. Let them buy me coffee sometimes.
• Be an above average dancer. Especially with my wife.
  
• Be an okay swordsman (i.e. learn to fence; not the creepy-foam-swords-in-a-park-on-Thursdays kind of swordsman.)
• 
  

I might edit this in the next few minutes as I get more ideas, but I'm gonna go ahead and post now anyway.

Man, I wish I could sleep.

One of *those* posts.

This is going to be just another one of those posts trying to motivate myself into updating again. Sometimes they end up being an actual update, too.

So... newsworthy stuff...

I suppose by now all of you have seen Facebook. I am indeed "in a relationship." (It still weirds me out when I see it.) I guess that's kind of newsworthy.

Heidi's pretty cool, I guess.

So that's the update. Maybe there will be deeper thoughts to come.

What if it's true?

Here's something else I've been thinking about yesterday and today. What if it's true?

What if what we believe is true? Jesus really was God in the flesh. We really are alienated from God because of sin. Jesus' death changed our broken state, but we are still being changed. The Devil really exists. We're supposed to sacrifice for our wives and wives are to submit to their husbands (Oo..... controversy...). The meek will inherit the earth. Brother will be divided from brother.

Sometimes I believe things intellectually, but forget that it's really true. That it really does change the way I see the world and how I act in it.

God is really heavy.

So I'm reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. It's been on my reading list for a full year and I've finally gotten to it. It's like Rob Bell's basic theology book.

Here's a thought that's getting to me.

In Movement (chapter) 3, he talks a bit about missions. So often, when we talk about missions, we say that we are "bringing Jesus to" China or Africa or Chicago or the film industry.

But Bell reminds his readers that God is, in fact, everywhere. There is no place that he is not present. It is the awareness of his presence that changes from place to place and person to person.

The duty of the missionary then, is not to force Jesus onto a people, but to show them where he is already active and moving. What are the true things that are happening in the place? Are people laughing? Are there crops growing? Is there, in a word, goodness? If so, then God is there. He must merely be seen more clearly. He must be named. Just as Paul does at the Areopagus (a way cooler name than Mars Hill, in my opinion...), we can point to things already around us (like poets, philosophers, prophets) and say that they have it somewhat right. But there is a higher reality. It all comes from the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob - the God who revealed himself through Jesus the Messiah and the Bible.

So, Bell suggests, a missionary is perhaps better called a tour guide - one who can see God in the everyday. Someone who can see the Lord working in the most unlikely places.

In my own life, I am finally at a place where I am not surrounded by Christians - my job. It's not as hostile of an environment as I expect in the game industry, but I do not see people coming to work with their Bibles... How do I show them Jesus? How do I make disciples?

The suggestion that our job as "missionaries" (or evangelists or Jesus-networkers [I just made that one up]) is merely to see God already at work, point to it, and call it out appeals to me.

But it is a challenge. A change in how I look at the world. Sadly, even as a believer, I don't have the eyes to see God's movement in any but the most obvious and powerful places.

But Rob Bell might be right. If we see ourselves carrying God from one place (Cornerstone/my life/my church) to another (my job/my career/the streets/the bar down the road), we will undoubtably get exhausted.

God is really heavy.

Entitlement

Remember that one time I had a blog? Yeah... that was a good time.

I'm working on learning a little bit of Game Maker right now (search it on Google... I don't feel like linking...) It's good times.

As I was sitting outside in the beautiful sun today, I was watching some bugs move around on the grass. I figured maybe it looked fun. Maybe I should make a gameplay experiment about jumping around on different sized platforms, just to see if I can make it fun.

Then I remembered: I want to be a game designer and I should probably learn and make some...

Church was good this morning. We've been going through 2 Chronicles something or other: "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray, seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and I will hear their land." Today was "turn from their wicked ways." Good times.

Jason said something this morning that resonated a bit with me, though, that I'll share here. In talking about sin and specifically some things in the congregation, he mentioned that "out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." But how much moreso our bodies act? What is the heart behind my actions? (A question that has been plaguing me for some time...)

I guess lately, I've had a bit of an entitlement attitude. I've been expecting life to go my way without any hard work. I have not been learning how to design video games, I have not been spending time outside of my schoolwork writing or concepting. I only applied at a few places to work this summer - no wonder I'm stuck at a movie theater working weekends!

If I feel entitled now and act this way now, how much more so will I act when I have a college degree? In my observation, jobs don't come from hard work. I've always been taught that "It's not what you know, it's who you know." It's not how hard you work, it's knowing people that will give you a job anyway. That's not how the world is going to work out of college. We don't know anyone (at least, I don't). I need to kick this entitled attitude right in the rear now.

Another thought I had in church: In America, we feel entitled, like it is our right to freedom, our right to riches, our right to upper-middle class subdivisions, an SUV, and 2.5 children. This is exactly the attitude that our forefathers fought against! We feel like we deserve what we get - they worked hard to get it. There are many days that I wish I was more like generations past in work ethic and attitude.

Anyway, that's enough rambling for now. (These things are always longer when I look at them than when I type them...)

Back of the head voices

It's funny. Every so often, I get these things in the back of my head that tell me things.

Lately, they've been saying a lot - get ahead on your homework, here's a story idea, be a game designer, Story is King, pursue God, etc. But lately, I've heard a new(ish) one about leadership.

I'm not sure what exactly it's saying, but I feel like I may need to do something leadership-y soon. If it really is a gift that people point out to me as they have, then I should eventually do something about it.

So that's something I've been thinking a little about lately. If any of you have an prophetic truth to speak into my life in this area, feel free to go at it. If not, that's cool. I'm sure God will eventually be pretty clear about the matter.

URGH!

Half-Life 2 does not - repeat - does not have a good story.

There is no motivation. No character. A plot that in the first 4 hours is totally absent. I have no idea why I'm running through a city full of alien zombies.

The most frustrating thing is that my progress is blocked by a chain link fence. Not just a chain link fence, either. A partially knocked down chain link fence. A chain link fence that I could crawl up. A broken chain link fence is stopping me, Messiah and war hero Gordon Freeman, from escaping the psycho alien zombie creatures from eating my flesh.

Come on, level designers, could it at least have been a locked wooden door? Even a chain link fence with barbed wire would make more sense.


That felt good. I needed to rant a bit against popular opinion there for a bit. A more intelligent engagement with Half-Life 2 and Gordon Freeman will show up on my game blog within a few days (theoretically).

Fear me

So apparently, I'm a stud. A warrior stud...

Kemp - comes from the Old English kempe, meaning brave, athletic, bold, or strong.

Brandle - hard to track, but goes to a pet name for South German brand, which hearkens to Germanic for sword.

Lyons - comes from Middle English lion (meaning lion), which came to be a nickname for a fierce or brave warrior; alternatively, it comes from the Celtic god Lugh, who had a sword that drinks blood and was a kickin warrior and originator of art.

So, pretty much I'm a stud with a sword.

I suppose...

So I'm really bored right now.

Not sure what to do with myself, so I figured I'd update this here blog thing.

Umm... Is blogging without significance bad? Should we endeavor to respect the privilege of being able to freely share our thoughts with others by sharing only thoughts of worth?

One of the current trends in, well, life, is the democratization of various forms of industry. With the Web 2.0 phenomenon and websites like YouTube popping up everywhere, it is more and more feasible to create our own anything.

With that, however, comes the reality that not everyone is a trained film maker (using YouTube as an example). We see hoards of filth, both morally and artistically, invading the internet and filling our servers. We hope that by submitting our work to the masses, we would be able to find what truly appeals to people. But what truly appeals to people? Sex. Low comedy. Popular music (There's lots of music videos being checked out on YouTube...).

Very little is real people trying to put together real stuff. It's mostly just people saying, "Wouldn't it be funny if...", pulling out their HandiCams, and uploading.

Which brings me to my point: should my posting here be all about me? Should it be about meaningful thoughts? Or should it be whatever I can think up at the time? Is blogging a useful activity after all?

Just some thoughts that came from having nothing to talk about. (I've always wanted a "meta" tag!)

A bit of Theology.

So In small group last night we had a chat about how we know truth, what is subjectivity, and other such things. We talked about how we can see God and understand truth as humans. Caleb Hugo tossed out the parable of the blind men and the elephant (see the article) and Rob sent out a response today in the form of a link here. I figured I'd post my essay length response here, just for the hecks of it.

I definitely agree with the idea that this parable cannot apply to multiple religions (as a peer of mine asserted in middle school). However, my view is that there are aspects of God which we cannot know for certain 100% of the time, for example, Calvinism and Armenism (sp?). Each side has very strong scriptural and philosophical support and when asked which camp is right, I reply both.

Our God is a god filled with paradoxes to human understanding. There are many things about him that we can understand, but there are also many things that we cannot understand. There are times when it is apparent that the Kingdom is here, that the world is getting better as redemption is spreading. Other times, the world just seems to be getting worse and worse until Christ’s return. Yet somehow, it is both of these.

It is exactly because we don’t know all the hows and whys of God that I think we must approach many conversations with humility, especially with other believers. We can never assume we know everything about our God.

Now, when having conversations with non-believers, this parable holds false. Our God has revealed himself pretty clearly and we can be confident of our knowledge of the truth. However, I find that this confidence can easily lead to blind ignorance and close-mindedness toward others. It can make us hostile to the opinions and beliefs of others and unwilling to listen to the whys of their beliefs and reason. Therefore, in these conversations, while still understanding that I know the God-revealed truth of Scripture, I ask myself, “What if they’re not wrong?” I find that this helps me toward finding the kernels of truth in what they believe and helps me to establish common ground by which I can introduce them to Jesus in a way in which they will understand. This does not, however, persuade me or silence me to the fact that they have not encountered Truth in Jesus.

All this to say that our conversations with non-believers must be filled with gentleness and emotional hospitality, showing them the humility that should come with our belief of an infinite God.

Hello World.

I've been trying to kick my butt in gear for a while now to launch a blog dedicated to video game design, story, and other random media related thoughts, so I finally did it.

Check out all its majesty at thekemp.wordpress.com.

(Theoretically,) This still means that I'll be updating this blog as well, but I will be trying to put more thoughts more frequently over there. I hope no one is too terribly insulted.

Passage

Whoever you are, download this game now. (It's less than 1MB.)

Then unpack the .exe.

Then open the folder.

Then play the game.

It's like poetry for video games.