Imagine.

Sometimes I think there’s a war going on in my backyard, just beyond the woods. I hear the rat-a-tat-tat of sub machine guns, a helicopter making a pass, and the occasional shout of orders. The thought of an insurrection war briefly passes through my mind, where thousands of normal citizens suddenly begin trying to take over places of power or just killing random citizens – kinda like Red Dawn, but from the inside.

It scares me. I consider running inside and locking myself and my sister in our basement. I want to call my parents and my other sister to make sure that they know to stay somewhere safe rather than come home to a war zone. I just about grab the remote to see if the media is on to this start up war on our home soil but another scary thought grabs me.

What if the media are in on it? What if the battles escape the news’ attention? No one would know that there are dead bodies piling up across the woods as a father desperately tries to defend his home and family from soldiers that would have them dead.

What if the cavalry didn’t know to come in? What if there was no cavalry? What if we were left to be citizen-soldiers? Could I do it? Could you?

I wonder if this is what the citizens of Iraq feel like every day. They don’t know if the rat-a-tat-tat is some kind of construction equipment or a machine gun. That big boom could be a demolition of an old house or a suicide bomber in the middle of the market. They don’t know until they run toward the sound, fearing the worst.

I stay in my backyard recliner. The noises keep going, but I don’t investigate. I don’t get up to turn on the TV, I don’t check online. I sit here, wondering if war is going on just beyond my woods and do nothing. I tell myself that it’s just an overactive imagination. Earlier, I saw a plane come out of nowhere accompanied by a strange sound and immediately thought that it must have been displaced here from the Bermuda Triangle in the 60s. Those sounds you hear are just construction. Real guns would be louder. A real battle wouldn’t take this long. If something really bad was happening, somehow, you would find out.

But the noises keep going. And I can’t think of any construction equipment that sounds like that. In the end, I’m not sure what keeps me to this chair – the tea, the laptop, the fear that my overactive imagination is right, or the fear that my overactive imagination is wrong?

Dear Heavens

LET... THE MADNESS... CEASE...

Camp update to come.

Another public service announcement:

I'm going to church camp, ergo, I won't be updating.

Panic in the streets!

AAAHHH!!!

Bart Allen is dead. The Legion of Superheroes traveled back in time to revive Barry Allen, but in the process actually brought back Wally West. The mission was not a failure, though - the essence of Barry is in a lightning rod currently being held by Braniac 5 in the 31st century.

The Sinestro Corps is invading the positive matter universe! (I must get this title...) They've broken Cyborg Superman and Superboy Prime out of their prisons on Oa and given them wrings! Kyle Rayner's powers are stricken from him and he is possessed by Parallax! The Anti-Monitor is back and is with Sinestro!

Kyle Rayner is possessed by Parallax!!! AAAAHHHH!!!! Superboy Prime has a Yellow Ring!!! The Zamarons are collecting energies of all emotions, not just the known powers of Love (Purple), Will (Green), and Fear (Yellow)!!!

AAHHHH!!! Panic in the streets!!!

Orbiting God

Do you ever begin to think that everything you've perceived as growth in your life is just a different way of looking at it? Like, instead of moving closer to God, that you're just kind of orbiting around him, always changing position, but never moving closer?

How can I serve students best at a camp where I disagree with some of their processes? Should I disagree with them? What if they're right and I'm the immature, cynical, far-from-God one?

Maybe this all goes back to the good ol' heart vs. head problem. Should decisions be made based on feelings at the moment (i.e. a sudden, deep passion for missions or youth ministry) or should they be based on a sensible analysis of the situation (i.e. "Oh, look! I've always enjoyed working with children, maybe I should consider children's ministry" or a decision to pursue missions because of a special connection with a specific culture)? Ideally, they should be made with both, but what if that's not possible?

Can I dissuade students from committing to ministry as 16 year olds? Is that right?

I don't want to see any students making the same mistakes I did. I spent a year and a half of my life pursuing something I convinced myself I should dedicate my life to. I want them to find out what God wants them to do, not what Christians think they should do or what their church or youth pastor or family or their perception of any of these.

Please pray for humility in my heart and wisdom in my actions...