On goals.

Every time I look forward to a new phase of life, I tend to write back here on the good ol' blog.

(Side note: it drives me crazy when people put the apostrophe on the wrong side of the contraction. Like 'ol. I've seen it.)

Today was my last day of work until January 11, when I will triumphantly stride back into a newly reorganized CAMS to greet the J-term-ers. So that leaves me with almost a month of free time to manage.

I've been looking ahead to this time, thinking about what I want to do with it and I needed to write it out (so why not publicly? This is the digital age, after all...).

Goals for Winter Break 09-10
1. Read the Qu'ran. I need to expand my mind like my public school friends had to do.
2. Finish applying to Grad schools. Which leads into the next goals...
3. Make a game. A short game, naturally, but something to add to the ol' portfolio. I may actually run some beta versions of the games I have on paper, too.
4. Write. Every day. Again. Some more. Blog, journal entry, poem, script, ideas, short story, anything.
5. Ideate. I need to keep stoking the fire of my imagination again. I want to lead and cast vision (How did that metaphor even start? Casting vision? Flicking the fishing rod of our eyes into the stream of the future? I dunno...)
6. Read a fiction book that isn't part of some canon of things I'm "supposed" to read. I can't even remember the last fiction book I read, let alone the last fiction book that I wasn't forcing myself through...
7. Keep thinking about things. All kinds of things: God, leadership, life, writing. Anything but getting stuck in ruts of thoughts.
8. Love people.
9. Have fun. All this goal setting scares me and exhausts me before the break has even started... Sheesh. I just bought Rock Band 2 and I need to finish The World Ends With You. Lots of fun to be had.


Anyway. That's my list. It's longer than I expected, but that's what I get for wanting to be better at a lot of things...

Discovery.

I started writing this in my journal, but I thought "hey, why not share it?" So I am.

This weekend was Thanksgiving. On the drive to Ann Arbor, I pushed my mind to consider Dust to Dust, a story I've been working on for some time. I made discoveries.

There are many similarities between making stuff up for stories and discovering things. Both result in being able to push the story forward Both result in new characters, events, and locations. Both feel good to do for the writer.

But discovery is completely different. It truly feels like the idea exists somewhere out there, floating in space, and all I am doing is plumbing its depths, trying to find more of what exists.

The birth of a story I came to call Legion was like this. I was sitting in 11th grade Humanities class, bored out of my skull and writing, and all of a sudden, there's this guy named Travis. And he's in a battle. And he's sort of killed, but winds up in this glowy whiteness with a sword on a pedestal in the middle. He acknowledges the place and says, "I guess this is the Atrium."

I remember being confused. I, as the writer, had no idea what my character was talking about. I asked all my friends that day, in dumbfoundedness, "What's the Atrium? Why is it capitalized? Why is there a sword there?" None of them could answer me...

Every time I added to that story, it felt that way. I was merely an observer chronicling events that were - somehow - happening.

(Speaking of, did you ever have the idea that all imagined things actually do exist? That the imaginer merely has some kind of psychic tether to some alternate timeline/universe/plane? I did...)

But then I had to finish the story.

All of a sudden, all of these individual scenes had to be tied together. All of the strange dream sequences that involved a small theophany had to be put into the sense of the story. Enemies that were mere shadows needed motivation. And there had to be an ending.

I felt so uncomfortable forcing that story to a conclusion. It lacked all of the reality that the rest of it held in my mind. I tied scenes together that, intuitively, I knew did not belong together. I jumped to thematic conclusions that source material received with coldness.

Since turning that project in, I have not even looked at the final product. It felt dirty, polluted. Like I had sewn together a Frankenstein's monster. There was no way to pull out the good pieces from the bad without ruining them.

But this weekend was different. As I explored a character, I found myself exploring a place. And with that place came events. Backstory. Presuppositions that I knew were there all along were explained simply and elegantly. It was... amazing.

No.

Perhaps divine. It is easy to see why, for so long, the creative spark was regarded as some kind of god.

Perhaps these moments are gifts that God gives to us creatives. We spend so much mental energy trying to tell meaningful stories, but so often, we grasp at straws trying to make sense of a world whose purpose has been so veiled. But God, in his grace, awakens that intuitive grasp that we have of the hidden structures of reality and we truly discover something that has never existed.

Good articles.

This is a story I just read on Relevant Magazine's website. You should read it now. It's short.

I was at work when I read this today, but after the first paragraph, I couldn't stop. The writing was so beautiful, it was as if my eyes were compelled to keep moving down the page.

I sometimes don't know what to think when I read articles like this - so well written and powerful. My first thought was for this man who the author met: how tragic of a story his must be. My second thought was for myself: could I ever respond as elegantly as the author did? Could I, in that moment, love this man? Buying him the diapers would be easy. But would I pray with him? Or would I be scared of... whatever. Embarrassment. Harming the gospel through reckless words. Awkward bumbling.

May God continue to be gracious with me as I rely more on his grace...

Summer.

Naturally, my last post indicating that I'd post more was a complete fabrication. Summer has been busier than I expected, oddly enough.

Here are some things that I've learned:

1. Don't stress out so much when you don't have a job. I was asked to do some temporary(ish) work at my school to help keep afloat. It was great. It got me up in the morning, gave me money, and I still had time for youth ministry. I ended up being offered the full time job that started a few weeks ago. For all my early summer worrying about having a job, God knew that I would have one. Instead of worrying, being irritable, and panicking every few minutes, I need to trust God and know that I'll be okay.
2. I am capable of sitting down and re-setting a vision for my life. I've set goals, made a plan, and, so far, the plan is working(ish).
3. I still love theatre. I love the act of creating a character, of burying myself beneath someone else for a short time. In that, I am thankful to honor my God.
4. God is good. I had numerous conversations over the summer with people who are in a doubt-y place in their faith. What struck me is that we were still talking about it. If I really wanted to leave the faith, something kept bringing me back. God keeps drawing us to himself, even when it seems like he may not even exist. And the fact that he draws us to himself means that he is good.

So far, the fall has been thus:

1. Wake up.
2. Go to work.
3. Eat dinner from 6:00 to 7:00.
4. Go to rehearsal until 10:30.
5. Go home and sleep.
6. Repeat.

As awful as it sounds (I literally have 10 - 12 free hours a week.), it has been fantastic. I have found so much life in moving, keeping productive, and being creative. I have the increasing sense that I need to look forward - to keep writing, designing, learning, and making myself a better possible employee.

So, hopefully, fall will be full of that.

Hello world (again).

Dear Blogosphere,

It's been a long time, hasn't it? How have you been? I've been good. Pretty busy, but good. In fact, far too busy-feeling for a guy who is, technically, unemployed. What's the deal with that, Blogosphere?

Anyway, just thought I'd drop a line and see how you're doing. I'm hoping we can hang out a little more in the coming weeks and months. I've been doing a little bit of studying that bears some sharing, some games I've been playing, and I do have that 250 words a day to write... Suffice to say, Blogosphere, I'm really bad at the whole Web 2.0, social networking, interactive content thing. Although our friend Facebook has been less neglected than you have been, I haven't even kept up with that! And don't get me started about The Twitter.

So here's to a renewed relationship (hopefully),

~Kemp

Executive Series Luncheon.

I was asked to give a three minute speech at an event we have at Cornerstone called the Executive Series Luncheon. They invite a bunch of local business owners to CU to have lunch and hear another executive speak on some topic or another. This time, they wanted to hear a student's voice as well. They were pretty strict on the three minute thing, though, so I had to write it out. Here's what I wrote/spoke (Sorry the formatting is a little funny...):

It’s a privilege to be representing the students of Cornerstone University and welcome you to our campus. I was asked to share some thoughts, but I only have 3 minutes, so it’ll just have to be one: sort of an intersection between the tools Cornerstone has given me and what God has been working in me lately. I hope it will be encouraging to you.

To be honest, I feel slightly out of place here. I am not a business man, but a story teller. My hope is to one day become a writer for video games. Just this past week, I was in San Francisco for the Game Developer’s Conference. Over 17,000 members of the video game community gathered to sharpen each other and improve our industry.

One of the topics that comes up over and over again at these conferences is the question, “Can video games be art?” Often, this comes to a false dichotomy between designers – the people that make the systems – and writers.

Designers want a completely open space for players to explore. They take pride in giving players ultimate choice.

Writers want to craft a perfectly structured story for players to experience. They want every interaction, every choice to perfectly fall in line with their beautiful thematic argument.

You can imagine, then, that there is some conflict in this process.

As a hopeful writer, I have naturally fallen on the side of structure. I have often compared game design to being god – not in a sacrilegious way, of course. We create this world, populate it with characters, and design a perfect way for them to go through it (the story).

Designers, kind of like the serpent, want to give the players ultimate choice. To let the players do what they want.

Do what they want? You mean allow them to rebel against my beautifully sculpted creation and my design for what they should do?

Yes.

Sounds familiar, right? I viewed the task of the writer to be similar to the task of our God: to slowly and gently lead player from their meaningless, headstrong ways back into the story I had designed for them.

One of the writers at one of the sessions humbled me, though: It isn’t about me.

It isn’t about the designers. It isn’t about the animators or the writers or the programmers. It is about the player. Video games are about giving the player a great experience, not about the messages that a writer or a designer is trying to propagate.

When we have artistic disputes, the only question we should be asking is “Which choice would make a better player experience? Which choice would serve the player best?” It cannot be a matter of what I want or what is easiest for the programmers. Ego cannot factor into our design decisions at all. Only the other. Nothing but serving the player.

And isn’t this what Jesus asks of us? To love our neighbor as ourselves. To serve each other.

I was ashamed. I went to the gardens above the conference center and journaled for 15 minutes. How dare I, as a Christian, compare my role in the creative process to God! And here was this writer – who was not a Christian – reminding me that my job is to serve. Even at the expense of my agenda.

I think businesses that are a little less artistic in nature get service more than any artist ever will. No matter what your job is in the company, ultimately the company exists to serve someone. The ego of an artist – with our themes, characters, and messages – falls before the customer. “The customer is always right.”

As I continue to reshape my theology of writing, if you will, I wanted to encourage all of you to continue loving people more than your agenda. May you always remember that your jobs are not about the messages that you send or the profit you earn. Your job is to love and to serve. I pray that you continue to serve Jesus in every interaction with client and customer, that you would always think first of the other.

With that, join me in welcoming Mr. Bob Israels.

Enter San Francisco.

I arrived safely in San Francisco, thankfully. Not that there were any problems - or even near-problems - I'm just thankful that there were no hitches.

I landed, got my enormous backpack, and hoofed it out of the airport to the nearest BART station. It took me several minutes just to figure it out. It's not quite as simple as Manhattan's subway system. Or maybe it's not as complex... Either way, I figured it out and got on the train.

When I left the station at Powell St, though, I was impressed by the view. It literally felt like a video game. Crowds of people everywhere who probably wouldn't talk to me if I talked to them... Huge buildings extending up to the sky... Green gardens and bright sunshine... Homeless guys... Pretty much picture perfect.

If I had gotten my new camera before I left, I definitely would have taken a picture.

It also felt vaguely Disney-like. All these people walking around (the cities I normally roam don't have this many people about), the good weather, the variety of smells and sounds... It's quite remarkable.

I'm off to check out the conference space and see if they need a hand. The hotel room isn't ready yet anyway.

Read this.

http://stillsearching.wordpress.com/2009/02/27/are-you-a-christian-hipster/

This article sort of echoes some of my own observations and satire of the current Christian culture - especially at a Christian school.

Yay satire!

Chew on this.

I've been reading Leviticus lately. It's a fun book... And by fun, I mean somewhat difficult to get through. It's a lot more interesting when you consider the historical context of the book, but still, it's hard to read about wave offerings when that has little to do with the lives we lead now.

One verse caught my attention, though. Leviticus 19:9-10:

When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Do not go over your vineyard a second time or pick up the grapes that have fallen. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God.

What does this mean in a modern context? For the ancient Jews, it was meant to provide a small amount of sustenance for the poor. By leaving the edges of the field unreaped and not being too thorough in harvesting, those with no fields would still be able to harvest. But what about us?

My sister does strange things. This shouldn't surprise people who know her. When she gets change after buying something at a store, she goes out in the parking lot and drops it. Sometimes all at once, sometimes one coin at a time. She figures that finding a penny cheers her up, so why not cheer others up? Is this a modern day application of this verse?

Or does it suggest that followers of the Lord should not always seek efficiency. Surely planting crops and then purposefully not harvesting them is inefficient. Maybe it means that we should even financially invest in ventures that we know will not yield a financial return (or, at least, not shy away from doing so).

I've been reading a book for our mission trip to Memphis called Theirs Is the Kingdom. (You should read this book.) It's written by a man who has been a missionary to inner city Atlanta for 15+ years. Our investment could produce jobs for those who don't have them and countless opportunities to share the message of Christ.

I can't really claim to know how to apply this these verses to our lives, but it's worth considering. What does this verse say about our God and the way we are to interact with the fruits of our labors?

Answered Prayer.

I wrote the seeds of this in my Moleskine yesterday. It was cool, so I thought I'd share.

Today, God answered prayer. I prayed last night at 2am that, if he wanted me at Sunday morning prayer (at 6:30am, no less), he would wake me up with energy before my alarm went off. I went to bed not really wanting to get up in the morning, but trusting that if Jesus really wanted me there, he'd get me there. I went to bed with my alarm set for 6:25am, knowing full well that I might get up, stare at it in bewilderment, then shut it off and go back to sleep.

I woke up at 6:20am awake and ready to go. In fact, I made sure my roommates didn't ignore their alarms.

The time ended up being very, very good. The scripture lined up with other things God has been sort of showing me lately - things I'm still exploring.

At church, I worshiped well. I had, for the first time in a long time, something specific to praise and thank him for. It feels good to praise God for something that he has done - for a specific answer to prayer.

But how cool would it be to worship him based on who he is - for his attributes - rather than just for what he had done? It's something I'm familiar with these days, but it is so intellectual for me. How great would it be to worship him with the same emotion and intensity despite what visible actions he had taken recently - just for his grace, his omnipotence, his love?

Fear.

It's late. Or early, depending on how you look at it. Either way, I won't be able to sleep if I don't write something and the evening has been filled with other... activities.

I was reflecting on something in the shower today that I thought I'd try to spit up in a readable form for you all. I've been reading Genesis and I recently read the story where Abraham goes into Abimelech's kingdom. When they get there, Abraham is afraid that the men will hurt him on account of Sarah's beauty. Perhaps they would kill him to get her. So instead, he tells them that she is his sister - not a complete lie we find out, but still a strong deception. Turns out that Abimelech isn't that bad of a guy. When he finds out about the "mix-up," he quickly remedies the situation. God had it in control from the beginning.

Jump two generations later: Jacob is returning to Canaan to meet Esau again. But Esau is coming to meet him with 400 men. Jacob makes all kinds of crazy plans to ensure his survival, but in the end, Esau bears no great ill will against Jacob. God had it in control from the beginning.

What stuck out to me in both of these stories was the theme of fear. Both Abraham and Jacob were afraid of what was waiting for them at their destinations. For Abraham, it was unjust treatment because of lust for his wife; for Jacob, it was justified anger for the cheat he was. In both stories, we find out that the fear was almost unjustified. The God that protected them occasions past continued to do so. In fact, he would have an easier time of it if these men had trusted him a little more. Instead he has to send prophetic dreams or literally wrestle with these guys to make their paths straight.

It caused me to reflect about what I'm afraid of. Certainly the future is uncertain, but am I afraid of it? Is it the uncertainty that I fear, or is it something deeper? A fear of failure? A fear of the opinions of others? A fear of living the kind of life I never wanted to live?

Just some thoughts that help me fill my word count for the day.

New Years.

I know I'm quite a bit late on the New Years' bandwagon, but I really wanted to do one of these posts (like everyone else in the world [that I read, at least]).

I'm still not finished processing through preparing for the year, but I wanted to chronicle what I've got (sort of like how Mr. Ransom did it; I'll do a follow up with some more specifics [mostly for myself and my records]) Here are some of my thoughts so far:

It's my senior year. That has so many ridiculous ramifications that it's... ridiculous. It is literally impossible to predict what my life will be like past June. Lord willing, I'll be in California doing a sweet internship. Or I could be in Grand Rapids, living with Buddy and Kyle for a bit doing... something. Or I could be in Albuquerque, living with someone and doing... something. Or I could be in Florida... You get the picture.

I have really gotten a lot of inspiration from the various blogs I've been reading and the movies I've been watching. God is really trying to tell me something. I think the credits song of Yes Man says it best: "It's time to man up." Of all my priorities and goals, it's time to actually start doing. Anything.

I want to establish my lifestyle this year. This has a lot to do with my reading on The Simple Dollar and The Art of Manliness, in addition to my convictions about how Jesus would have us live. There are so many dreams I have for the future, but they almost all involve how I live.

One of the things that I don't think I can commit to this year (but want to as soon as possible) is to spend one hour a day learning one thing for one year. (Again, I refer to the Simple Dollar link above.) There are so many skills and knowledge I want to have. For example:

• Learn French well enough to be conversational. Enough to watch a movie, for instance.
• Read music and play piano.
• Perform basic car repair.
• Draw locations and characters (for concept art).
• Program in C++ or C#
• Write. From blog-style to articles to screenplays to prose to...
• Photography.
• Cooking.
• Physics. I love physics and wish I could learn more.

I think I'll end this rambling and unfocused post with a question: If you could spend one hour a day practicing one thing (knowledge or skill) for one year, what would it be?