I should sleep

But I'm not.

Consider tonight practice for the 31st. I know I'll be up late.

I found this:

50 of life's mysteries which would not be solved if you did not watch TV

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit
level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the
control tower to talk you down.
6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No
one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to
any other part of the building without difficulty.
8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake
of showing someone a picture of you sweetheart back home.
9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not
be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. People on TV never finish their drinks.
12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but
 will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
13. The chief of police is always black.
14. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a
 note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be
 the exact fare.
15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by
 15cm.
16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
 you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
17. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a
 strip club at least once.
18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
 every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to
 eat them.
19. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
20. Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man
 invulnerable to bullets.
21. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a
football stadium.
22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just
 relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
24. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an
 object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost
 this technology.
25. All single women have a cat.
26. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
27. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to
 turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
 moments.
28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all
 than 20 men firing at one.
29. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely
investigated.
30. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by
 frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"
31. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if
 any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
32. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved
 martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by
 one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked
 out their predecessor.
33. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person
 you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to
 their back.
34. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room
 will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
35. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
36. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
 they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
37. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
 other.
38. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage
 despite laying entire cities to waste.
39. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity
 system is never damaged.
40. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a
 thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in
 the vicinity.
41. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.
42. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
 arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley
 systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow
 their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
43. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's
 eighth birthday.
44. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions
 can be played without moving the fingers.
45. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
 readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
46. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
 visiting.
47. Guns are like disposable razers - if you run out of bullets, just
 throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
48. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
49. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
 duty.
50. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into
 will know all the steps.

Christmas

I suppose an update is in store since Christmas was today and all.

But I'm watching Batman, so I really can't type right now.

The Big White

So I just finished watching a movie called The Big White. It has Robin Williams in it and the lady who played Elastigirl in The Incredibles and a bunch of other really talented people.

Now, I don't usually like dark comedies (odd, seeing as I'm in one...), but this one was really good. It was about this guy (Robin William's character) who finds a dead body and tries to pass it off as his brother in order to collect on the life insurance. The insurance agent is trying to figure all this out because he knows something's fishy. Meanwhile, the guys that killed the body in the first place kidnap his wife until they get the body back. Like every dark comedy, there is a point where everything is bad. Yes, the characters do funny things, but it's still very... dark.

What I liked about the movie was that it had a happy ending. Yes, there were some messed up things, but there was a sense of balance. Everything would be okay. I talk about this for two reasons: 1) The story element, and 2) Life.

1) The story element. I feel like all good stories have to end with a sense of balance, or at least a purposeful imbalance. The best thing I have to contrast The Big White with is American Beauty. That movie, to me, is the epitome of sad endings. (Okay, maybe not, but it is a very sad ending.) Nothing is okay. And nothing is going to be okay. There is no real closure for any of the characters. The Big White ends with all of the characters achieving something. They have met a goal or found contentment.

Now, I'm not saying that stories that end unbalanced are inherently bad. But I do think that there must be purpose in it. Obviously, American Beauty had a purpose behind its purposelessness (What exactly that purpose was is up for debate. I'd need Mike Coon in on that discussion...). This is good. It gets people thinking and wondering and questioning and coming to their own convictions about life. And for a movie, that is okay.

Movies are a great medium. We spend 2 hours or so in the world of the story and then we come out as different people. As a (hopefully, Lord willing,) future game designer, I watch stories for the sake of understanding how better to tell them. So here goes: I think video games should not end unbalanced. Audiences only spend 2 hours in the world of a movie. They develop deep relationships with the characters, building sympathies and apathies for characters depending on their actions (or suggested actions) in that 2 hours. Video games are entirely different (at least, that's the hope...). In video games, the player identifies with the characters in the story over a period of 10 - 40 or possibly more hours, depending on the genre. Though I think video games are slightly less emotively evoking than film (a quality that could change), their sheer length hopefully leaves a stronger connection between player and character.

Here it comes, the point I've been rambling on about: With a stronger connection between audience and story, the storyteller (designer, writer, director, whoever) cannot leave a video game story unfulfilled. The player will feel cheated. They have just spent days of their life (not to mention $50 - 60) playing through this story, allowing themselves to be drawn into a world of your creation. It is betraying that trust to leave them empty after so long. I think it is better to make thought provoking, possible empty, points earlier in the game. Though really, I suppose this could all be my Christianity talking (not a bad thing).

What a smashing transition!

2) I can't stand the thought of the bad guy winning. Mainly because I don't believe he will. In real life, there are times when it seems as if nothing will ever be right. There are times when American Beauty's ending is all we see. But I believe that there will come a time when every ending has balance to it. That's what I see in Revelation 21 (I think that's the reference). Sometimes, it's all I can do to cling to that hope. I listen to some songs and they seem to be pregnant with the future hope of everything being okay, when I'll be sitting in heaven/The New Earth (thank you Michael Wittmer), hanging out with the people that I love (Days, from Turn A Gundam seems to be the only one coming to mind right now. Ask me and I'll play it for you sometime.)

Anyway, I want my life to point to and be a part of the bad guy losing. Whether that be through fighting something bad or bringing light to some place that's dark, I want the good guys to win. And they will, thanks to Jesus. (Insert Sunday School lesson here.)

I don't really want to end on a cliche, but I really do believe that Christ got rid of darkness. The whole "already but not yet" eschatology kind of sucks, but it will be okay.

I can't wait.

Just kidding

Scratch that worrying stuff. God is good.

Too often I forget that God is good and he has a plan. Funny, for a guy that has seen God's plan work out many, many times before...

I think a lot of my irkiness (yes, it's a word) lately is because I have neglected to trust God. Granted, I could be wrong and this could be just another attempt to easily pigeonhole a personal problem, but I really haven't been reminding myself (nor allowing others to remind me) of God's goodness and his plan. You hear Jeremiah 29:11 so much as a graduating senior (a passage that deals with national Israel, not personal lives, though the principle is Biblical), but you eventually forget.

Even though I put myself through some serious crap and I have some tough questions, God's plan is ultimately good and it will prevail.

I hate super happy positive posts. They somehow seem unrealistic. So to those like me: This doesn't mean that I'm gonna stop being cynical (though that would be nice).

My mother can't stand my cynicism. I can't either, truth be told, but I think there's little to change most of it by now (cynical statement). I can't remember what brought it up, but she told me not to be so cynical... I thought it was both amusing and sad. Amusing because my mother can't stand something about me. That thought, while morbid, is still kinda funny in a rebellious teenager kind of way. Sad because my mother can't stand something about me. I can't really stand it either, but by now I've learned to mostly ignore it.

I was just distracted by the thought of looking up the theme song to Cowboy Bebop (an anime show) on Youtube to see if I could find a live performance. I did. It's amazing. Oh, sweet jazz...

That's it for now. I've updated a lot lately. I've been getting into reading others' blogs, thus inspiring my hands... Ick.

Worries

I hate worrying. I have this queasy feeling in my stomach and I don't like it.

I know it's probably nothing, but I'm still worrying. Grr.

That's it.

But then again, we can't choose the lessons we learn, can we?

So I was reading a friend of mine's online journal thing and I thought: "I haven't updated mine in a long while. I might want to do that." Here goes:

I'm a film major now. I'm hopefully going to go to graduate school at the Florida Interactive Entertainment Academy for their video game production track. So that's that part of life.

The semester was long and short. Looking back, I feel like I kind of wasted it. I can't think of anything really meaningful that I did. I didn't really make any attempts to reach out to other people. I just kind of putzed along, focused on my studies, and tried to get by. I don't really like "getting by." I'd much rather have all kinds of excess to give to other people. But then again, I suppose most people would like that.

I'm going to try to use this break for what it's meant for: rest and rejuvination. One of my friends reminded me that this break should be used for retreating into God again and recharging my relationship with him. It was a good reminder.

Last Christmas break was really rough for me. I was really dark and depressed. I felt far from God. I questioned my salvation. I don't want this break to be like that. On the same token, if it is, how well will I stand under the pressure? Last year I learned that I am a Christian. I am devoted to Yahweh, no matter what. I came to a point where I told him, "You know, God, if I could I would renounce you and live as the world does. I would stop calling myself a Christian. But I can't do it." I know it to be true. I cannot do any other way of life. Even if I tried, I would know the whole time that there is something out there, someone out there who could fill me up. that was a good lesson to learn, but I'd like to learn this break how to pour out into people again.

But then again, we can't choose the lessons we learn, can we?

That was so deep, I had to give it its own paragraph. **insert filler sentence here so I don't give this sentence its own paragraph**

So I'm home now. And that's about it. I don't have many friends here, but I can make some new ones at work. I'm going to spend some time reading and maybe writing and definitely memorizing lines for some play that I'm in...

And I have to stop thinking about certain subjects. Not because these subjects are inherently bad, but because I think I've been glorifying them a bit too much. I've been saying, "Well, things will be better when..." and that kind of scratches contentment with right now off. So I've got to stop thinking about that subject and count on God to work it out instead of me. Man, I'm such a control freak.


I made my deep comment the title of this little entry. I think that's neat.

I'm leaving now.

A Cool Video I Found on Prayer

737 Cafe

So there I was, at the Zach Vinson/Tide/Some other band concert... I was surrounded by all these trendy people and suddenly felt the desire to update my blog. So here I am. Doing it.

No one even checks this thing anymore, I bet. At least, no one besides Rachel and maybe Michael just to spite me.

I think Mass Media is going to be the death of me. (For those of you who are just joining us, Mass Media in Society is a class I'm taking.) Today, Professor Anderon talked about the need for people to go into the movie industry to change it. People that have a drive to make a difference there. He said that he hoped that this class would provide the opportunity and drive and connections necessary for some Cornerstone students to make a difference in the media industries. That's what he views as his mission. He almost cried, I think. And so did I.

Since I was young, all I ever wanted to do was make video games. It started as an interest, something that I thought would be cool. In third grade, I drew out Mario world levels for cryin out loud! By 7th grade, I was trying to make up Zelda games. In 8th grade, I started what would be my first original world. Since then, I've given spare moments of thought to developing that world and the characters in it.

When I started out with video games, I only cared about the Marios and Zeldas, fun little games with little deeper meaning, but as I got older, I found depth in the Final Fantasy series and other RPGs. I went from just wanting to make games to wanting to make games that are deep and throughtful, with character development, a moving plot, and themes that are thought provoking and possibly even challenging. I wanted to tell life as it is through the medium of a world that isn't. I wanted to deal with real life complexities through virtual living. (And not in a creepy, "let's all play World of Warcraft all day" kind of virtual living.) I wanted to create video games that are counted art as much as literature or film.

But my life has not led me down this path. I love people (something that is compatible with every profession), and I feel compelled to do something about it. I love teaching the Bible. I love using my spiritual gift (shepherding, for those who don't know). I think God has opened up many more doors to develop these gifts and callings than he has for video games. I was given the chance to speak to a 70 student (maybe?) youth ministry on a Sunday morning as a junior in high school. God used a small group I started to affect 20 or more people for him, drawing them closer and deeper into relationship with our God. I've been given a charge to shepherd a group of 13 freshmen. Tons of my friends, mentors, and acquaintances have given me very positive feedback about my skills as a future youth pastor. God has really been good to me.

Coming back to my original assertion (that Mass Media is going to be the death of me), when I leave that class, I feel inspired to be a game designer again. I feel the powerful tug to tell stories that cause people to think and be changed. I start thinking about my dreams and my plans, hoping that God will use a class project to lead me back to game design. I start thinking that it would be okay to be a volunteer in a youth ministry, to have a small group, to still affect positive change on adolescents with my spiritual gift (and besides, how cool would it be for a high school student if their small group leader designed video games?). I could do that. I would be happy. It would be the best of both worlds. Mass Media makes these thoughts go through my brain and makes me dissatisfied with where I am and where I think God is leading me.

I'm so thankful for the peace that I still have that I'm in the right place, though. Over the summer, God gave me this massive peace, like he was saying, "It's okay, Kemp. You're supposed to be at Cornerstone. There's something there you need to have before you leave and you don't have it yet." I still have that peace. Without that, I'd be pulling out my hair.

That is why Mass Media is going to be the death of me.

And again...

Pray for my car. We're in Oklahoma City and the fuel pump decided to go next. The guy that's working on it said it will be done by noon tomorrow. But still, pray for my car....

I don't know what to talk about

I find myself getting more and more excited to return to school to be a Sherpa in a week or so (Even though it's really weird to think that I'll be back on campus in 8 days...). I'm excited to have the opportunity to pour into the lives of students. At the same time, though, I'm nervous. I still am not exactly a super mature Christian myself. Some of the students that I am supposed to be mentoring will be more capable of doing my job than I am. But I can't let that discourage me.

Anyway, today I played Ratchet and Clank for hours. HOURS!!! I feel so worthless. I guess that's what happens when you get a day off that you weren't expecting. Good news, though. I almost have enough bolts to buy a Gold Blaster! w00t!

I'm going to go away now.

A Small Theological Musing

So, I haven't actually put a substantial post on here in oh.... a bazillion years, so while I'm sitting in the office watching a DVD burn, I think I shall. Where to start...

My internship is going very well lately. God's really been working in my heart, I guess, because I'm enjoying it more and more every day. I had an opportunity to give a message two weeks ago. The title was "Kemp's Declassified School Thrivival Guide." It went pretty well. Well enough that Jared wants me to speak again next week, at least. I was thinking about doing something on Esther, but after Bible study last night, I think I'm going to do it on Faith.

We read Mark 9 verses something through something. It's the story about the guy who says to Jesus, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Last night, we said that it might mean that he believes that Jesus can perform the excorcism, but he doesn't believe that Jesus necessarilly will. I kind of want to do a message on that, on praying with expectation of fulfillment, but I'm not sure that it's necessarilly Bibilical, or at least, Biblical in the hands of students. We can believe all we want that God will create a subway sandwhich in front of us all we want, but he's probably not going to. But last night, I felt a conviction that when I pray for a caring Christian friend to come into a friend of mine's life (My friend lives in Vermont, so I can't very well be said caring Christian friend...), I don't expect God to fulfill that request. I know that he can, I just don't know that he will. Anyway, I'm not too sure if that's even a correct way to pray for stuff in faith, but I'm studying.

Turns out I have to go to service now, so I'll catch you cats later.

I'm not dead!

That is all.

I'm in Colorado! Barely...

So... the hatred that was once contained in my hair has spread to my car. Indeed, these are tragic times.

Yesterday, my car decided that it was going to not work well. We were plugging along just fine, but then it decided to stall. And then again. And then again. So... we finally get to a hotel and we think it'll all be okay in the morning. Today, it wouldn't shift up from 3rd gear (quite tragic considering speed limits are really high out west).

Oh, and it's overheating a lot.

My dad and I figure we might just get to Rio Rancho if we only drive for 2 hours or so, then take a half hour break, then carry on like that for the rest of the 8 or so hours.

Other than my car hating me, life is good. The weather has been beautiful, we've had the top down, and I can see really, really far away (kind of like Montana, I'd imagine). I like being out west.

Pray for my car, please.

All I want for Christmas...

Is Nintendo's crushing victory over Sony and Microsoft! The return of the Empire is nigh!

Not really. But still.

It wasn't enough

Chapel wasn't enough to push me over the edge into doing something. I half expected to walk out energized and ready to switch majors. But, alas. It wasn't enough.

Of course, the simple fact that I really wanted it to be enough might be indication enough that I have it in me, I just need to suck it up and do it.

By the by, I've gone exactly a month without updating this. I feel semi-bad. Though I'm sure most of you have abandoned reading this by now.

Excellent... my plan is nearing completion...

Goodbye.

I feel disgusting...

I found this quiz on Rachel's Xanga. And I took it. Ew...

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||| 66% Stability |||||||||||||| 53% Orderliness |||||||||||||||| 63% Accommodation |||||||||||||| 56% Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63% Mystical || 10% Artistic |||||||||||| 50% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Hedonism || 10% Materialism || 10% Narcissism |||||||||| 36% Adventurousness |||||||||| 36% Work ethic |||||| 30% Self absorbed |||||| 23% Conflict seeking |||||| 23% Need to dominate |||||| 30% Romantic |||| 16% Avoidant |||||||||| 36% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||||||||| 36% Change averse |||||||||||||||||| 76% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||| 30% Sexuality |||||||||||||| 56% Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 43% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||||| 77% Histrionic |||||| 23% Paranoia |||||| 23% Vanity |||||| 23% Hypersensitivity |||| 16% Female cliche || 10%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
clean, self revealing, open, organized, outgoing, social, enjoys leadership and managing others, dominant, makes friends easily, does not like to be alone, assertive, hard working, finisher, optimistic, positive, likes to stand out, likes large parties, respects authority, practical, high self esteem, perfectionist, dislikes chaos, busy, not familiar with the dark side of life, controlling, high self control, traditional, tough, likes to fit in, conforming, brutally honest, takes precautions

What think ye? Be it accurate?

Okay, back to reading.

Rehearsal boredom.

I have the suspicion that I'm not going to get too far into this before I'm pulled away to rehearsal again...

I'm at Honk! rehearsal, not really doing anything right now, so I'm going to update. Yay. I'm working crew for Honk! and I kind of enjoy it, at least when I'm actually doing something. Right now, I think I'd rather be doing umm... other stuff...

Nana and Gramps came up today for Grandparents' day tomorrow. It should be fun. We hung out a little bit today, but I have rehearsal, so not too long. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to entertain them for the next few days, but I'm sure I'll think of something. There's one problem: I still haven't really started my Philosophy essay. I rather hope it won't be too difficult.

//Begin Geek
Nintendo's president, Saotoru Iwata, announced today at the Game Developers Conference that the Revolution (rumored to still be a code name for the project) will also have the Sega Genesis and the TurboGrafix as "virtual consoles" on the machine. That means that not only will you be able to download past Nintendo games onto your Revolution, but you'll also be able to get over 1000 titles from Nintendo's former competitors. While this is cool, I kind of agree with a guy that commented on Gamespot: there's only so much value in having nostalgic, classic games. At some point, new features need to be stressed.

On the other hand, Nintendo seems most interested in creating new gaming features. The PS3 and Xbox 360 added features, but they are multimedia, non-gaming features such as video downloading, connectiviy with MP3 players, etc... Nintendo, through their motion sensing controller, is trying to find new ways to create and play video games, not create home entertainment hubs.

As for me, I am torn between the two. As a consumer, I want the most bang for my buck. If I can have something that functions as a DVD player (or Blu-ray movie player, in the case of the PS3), stereo, TV recording device, and a game console, I'll buy it. On the other hand, I want something focused on games. It's not like the Revolution, with exclusively wireless controllers, is going to be clutter.

Nintendo is also trying to be noncompetitive with the other two big companies. They instead want to focus on expanding the game demographic. Their plan is to reach out to people who have never (and never thought they would) play games. My fear is that they will make the Revolution to have such mass appeal that mainstream games won't go near it. Instead of the "Nintendo is for kids" mantra, we will hear "Nintendo is for games that are closer to Tetris and Nintendogs and not for the sweet RPG/FPS/action/adventure games that I love." Someday I hope to make games for Nintendo, so I certainly do not want them to do poorly simply because of the console that they are on.
//End Geek

So, I think I've written enough for now, even if it was mostly Geek. Have a good night.

This is all I've got.

Finally! **insert maniacal laughter** I have found a compiler for C++ and I have started programming again! The going is slow and I've forgotten most everything I knew back in 11th grade, but I'll learn! Maybe I'll even post small programs here... (Not that they'd be very fun)

I scheduled for next semester. I scheduled out the next six semesters in the event that I'll be here that whole time as a double Youth Min/Bible major and Computer Science minor. I'm not sure if I'll stick with that, but we'll see about that later.

I still haven't found out about the internship over the summer. I'm giving him until tomorrow evening before I email him again. After that, well... let's just say I'd rather not be his Inbox.

I think that's it. Questions? Email me.

Bite me.

Argh! I feel irritable! And I have to do homework that I forgot about! Grr!

Home again, home again

I get to go back to school tonight! Yay! We'll probably leave in an hour or so! Yay!

Spring break was good, but it will be nice to be back in my room.

Just kidding. We're not leaving until nine. Oh well, I'll be back soon.

I have a little bit of conclusion left to write on my paper, too. I need to take a look at a few of my sources before I can finish it. It shall be done. For tomorrow. To be turned in.

I don't think I did as well on this paper as the last one. I really hope that it doesn't kill my grade this semester...

Update over.

Hello again.

I'm not dead. I know that's surprising and kind of disappointing, but I'm not.

First, last week Tuesday, our dorm did a MediaFast. I gave up surfing the internet, watching DVDs, watching movies, and playing video games. I was kind of bored. Not too bored, because I've had lots to do, but kind of bored. MediaFast was kinda cool because I spent some more time with God, but it wasn't super super effective.

This week, I've been rushing to finish my research paper before I leave for spring break. I've only got my intro and conclusion to do, and I can do that on the car ride down.

To Florida (it needed its own line). I'm going to Florida tomorrow! I'm going with my friend Nate and his family to the Tampa area to soak up some 73 degree weather and sun. Woo!!

I also got the response for my leadership application. I applied for both Sherpa and DC (small group leader for chapel credit). I didn't think the interviews went really well, but apparently I was wrong. I got both. And, (an added plus and minus) I got DC for the apartments. I found out on Tuesday and I have to make a decision by tomorrow at 10:00 am. I have to commit to at least one more year at Cornerstone to take one.

I would love to explain it all right here and splurge and try to figure things out, but I've been working on my research paper for the last, oh I'd say about 9 hours. So i'm going to stop typing now.

Look over there! An update!

Sorry folks, I just haven't felt like updating in a while. I've been fairly incommunicado with the outside world. I think I use that term purposefully.

I've been feeling kind of useless lately. Church yesterday kind of hit on it again. We talked about evangelism at church and the pastor asked us to write down the names of a few of our non-Christian friends so we would start remembering to pray for them on a regular basis. I couldn't really think of any friends that I talk to on a regular basis that are not Christians. Is that sad? I've been feeling like it is.

But then again, it might just be another way of my subconscious trying to find as many excuses as I can to get out of Cornerstone (no offense). I really like it here, but I feel like there's no way I can do what I want to eventually do here.

I'm really confused. Can you tell?

The hardest part is keeping God number one. At Evensong last night, I had the thought that maybe I've been idolizing my career decision. It's on my mind constantly. If I had God on my mind a quarter as much of the time as I spend worrying about what I'm going to do with my life, my walk with Him would be much closer. I have to learn to let go of this worry. The problem is that whenever I let go, I feel like it's just a waiting game for God to tell me what his plan is. I don't think that's how God works. He's not just going to reveal it to me one day during my quiet time, He's going to engineer my life so that it is clear. I think. But how do we know when it is God engineering our lives toward a certain path instead of ourselves?

I think that's quite enough questions for today. I need to go do some more homework.

To be, or not to be, that is the question

I'm at a really awkward point in my life right now. I have no real short term assignments to do, but the research paper has finally been assigned. I could either work on that long term assignment or I could do nothing. Oh, the indecision.

Is it Saturday yet? I'm really tired of one acts. And tonight, right after rehearsal, I have a group interview for leadership next year. I'm not really in the mood to go to a group interview about leading Cornerstone when I'm not sure I'll even be at Cornerstone.

Oh, well.

Homework time...

Hello my baby, hello my darling, hello my clementiiiiiinne!

I'm watching the Music Man right now and I'm feeling the urge to be in a musical.

In other news, I just got a call from my neighbor in New Mexico. He's shipping off to boot camp next week for the Marines. Then, he's coming back and getting engaged. Then, he's gonna get married some time early summer. Weird... I'm very happy for him. His life wasn't really going anywhere in particular, so this will give him some direction. The marriage thing I'm not too sure about, but hey.

Back to the Music Man.

Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits

So here I am at Honors with no professor... You'd think that if they wanted it to be a priority for us they would at least show up... We're suppposed to be talking about Medea, but nobody but Gillian seems to be in the mood without our Prof.

That's it.

Singing in the rain, just singing in the rain

God's pretty sweet. I spent almost all of Evensong tonight not singing. My singing was becoming more important than the words I was singing, so God said, "Cut it out." It was cool.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the m ud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
Psalm 40:1-3

Create in my a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore me to the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.
Psalm 51:11-12

So, yeah. The End.

An Adventure Story

I woke up today thinking that I would get so much done. My one Thursday class was cancelled and I only had Honors this morning at nine. That left from ten to four to do whatever I wanted to do. I was going to finally finish my resume and send it to Hoffmantown West for their internship over the summer. I was going to memorize lines. I was going to get a jump on next week's homework. Instead, I got to be a blessing to one of my friends (that's a story in itself...).

Around noon, I get a call from my friend Bryce. He asked me if I had a car on campus. I do. To make a long story short (yeah, right...), he got a flat tire last night and drove it home. By this morning, it was completely flat, so he put the donut on it and started driving to the tire repair place. On the way, his donut imploded or something and he was stranded outside of Meijer. I get over there, pick him up, and we take the tire to get repaired on the other side of town. They can't repair the tire, but there is a used tire that he can buy for cheap. We go back to his car and start to jack up the car to put the tire on, but we didn't notice or think much about that fact that the car sat on an incline. The car bent the stupid jack. We put down a chalk to stop it from moving, pulled my jack out and started working, but it started bending. We drive the car up to a flatter part of the parking lot, try again, and again, the jack started bending. We drive the car to a spot that we know is flat, try again, and it finally works. We extended the jack almost as far as we could, barely fit the tire on, and started tightening the lugnuts. One of the lugnuts was stripped. Grr. Then, we went back to the other side of town to make sure that everything was okay, got a new lugnut, and went out to lunch. By the time I got back, it was 3:30 and I had to go to rehearsal. Unfortunately, because I was helping Bryce, I didn't get to work on lines...

Anyway, the point is that I didn't get enough done today.

Oh, well.

I did make some progress on my resume, though. It's hard to write down my "ministry philosophy." To work through it, I made a list of things I would do if I started a Youth Ministry. It kind of helped, but it's still tough to put it into words.

Tomorrow shall be a busy day.

I just want you to know

It feels good when the gaming community agrees with you. I was reading an article on Gamespot.

Anyway, it talked about industry analyst Mike Wallace's predictions for the coming year in the gaming industry. He predicted that the Xbox 360 would come out on top in the next-gen console war, that the Revolution would only sell 1 million units, and that the PSP would gain dominance over the handheld market. By 2007, he predicts that the total installed base for Xbox 360 would be 10 million units, the PS3 would be 7 million units, and the Revolution would have sold only 3 million units.

Personally, I think the Xbox 360 still doesn't have firm software support. If the trend from the current generation continues, most of the games for the 360 will also be available for the PS3, making it unnecessary to buy both the Xbox and the PS3.

One thing that I don't think Mr. Wallace is taking into account is the price of the console. The president of Sony has warned that the PS3 is going to be very expensive. The Xbox 360 is going for $502 on Ebay right now. Reggie Fils-Aime, the executive vice president of sales and marketing at Nintendo of America, has said that the total startup cost for a Nintendo Revolution will be around $300. In 2006, I think that the low cost and retrogaming possibilities of the Revolution will bring Nintendo back into the fold of mainstream gaming. If not, then they'll become pioneers for the "indie gaming" industry that I believe will one day come about.

I'm done now. Homework time is now.

Don't Panic

So things are getting better. I went to Evensong tonight and had a bit of a cry and I've begun to settle things with people...

I'd love to put a generic, "If I've ever wronged you, I'm sorry," but that just doesn't cut it. Ever.

God's had my back this whole time. I've felt like He's been completely gone, and I'm not necessarily right next to Him, but I finally feel like I'm moving in a positive direction in my spiritual life. Now the rest just has to follow...

A Thought (okay, more than one)

We know that the law is unspiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin lving in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this is what I keep doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (Does that mean I am not responsible for my own sin? Does it mean I can blame any sinful actions I take on the "sin living in me?")

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law (do i?); but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? (Romans 7:14 - 24)

If you didn't get it the first time, read it again. That's how I've felt lately. I'm sure you've all been there, too. The problem is I'm having difficulty reading the next verse: "Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Pray for me.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?" (Rom 8:35) I haven't gotten far enough to get to those problems coming between God and I. I'm taken care of, yet I am am malcontent. I am supported, and yet I feel as though I have no foundation.

Paul wrote so powerfully. I don't understand how. The only explanation is that it's God. God made him do it. I just wish God would help me do something. Maybe I'm just not letting him.

I should update

The End.

Plays

I've seen lots of them. They're everywhere in this stinking city (which is not necessarilly a bad thing). So here goes:

The night after Spamalot we saw a play called Doubt. I really liked this play. It was about a nun principal of a catholic school's suspicions of a priest's relationship with one of her students. The priest is a great guy, well respected in the community, but the nun is relentless in her pursuit of what she "knows" this man has done. By the end of the play, I left wondering whether or not he had done it. While the nun is absolutely sure that he is guilty, his alibis all check out. He was taking the boy in as the only black student in the school, coming from an abusive home without a strong father figure. The priest thought that he was doing good building this relationship. Anyway, the point is that it was a really good play that made you think.

The day after Doubt was Edward Albee's Seascape. This is a play about an older couple taking a vacation on the beach. The first act is all setting up their realtionship. The older woman, who wouldn't stop talking, wanted to do something with the life she had left. Her husband thought that they deserved a break. He just wanted to sit. Act one ends with two giant lizards showing up on the beach. Act two reveals that these lizards came from the sea, talk in english (although they don't know some concepts, such as emotion), and left because they just felt different from the other lizards. As the older couple tries to explain the evolutionary process to the lizards and that they will eventually become like humans, complete with emotions that they are just feeling for the first time. In the end, the old man tries to teach the lizards what it's like to live while realizing that he isn't living himself.

Friday night we saw a Greek play called Hecuba. It's the tragic story of the deposed queen of Troy. Her daughter is offered up as a sacrifice to the dead Achilles, she discovers the son she sent to Thrace for safekeeping has been killed by the very person who was to keep him safe, and all the while, she can't seem to find someone to kill her also. It was very well done, with simple costumes, simple set, and good acting. One interesting thing was the chorus. I didn't know what to expect from the chorus, but I was pleasantly surprised. They didn't always talk at the same time, and when they did, it was understandable. They even broke out into creepy song every once in a while.

Saturday night we saw Abigail's Party, which I loathed. The characters were shallower than a puddle and they were soooo annoying. It was supposed to be funny, but I had a difficult time seeing the funny over the tragedy. Every single character was so intensely unhappy. Ick.

Yesterday, we went to the Brooklyn Tabernacle. It was okay. The pastor that was speaking wasn't the greatest, but the music was pretty good. Directly after church, we had a matinee of A Light in the Piazza, a love story musical. I was very impressed with it. I much prefer classic musicals, where songs happen as a way to express intense emotions on the behalf of the character, as opposed to Phantom or Les Miz, which always exist at that high emotion. Immediately following that show, Mike and I went to a play called The Mandrake in this small black box theatre with maybe 40 seats in it. It's what's called a sex farce, which had me nervous, but it wasn't that bad. Some of the humor was a bit naughty, but overall, it was a good comedy. Then, when we got back from that, I went to see Memoirs of a Geisha, which was fantastic.

Okay, now I've caught everyone up. I hope you got bored reading all that.

I got my luggage. Oh, yeah, by the way, I saw Spamalot.

I think the former is more important, but hey, that's me.

Spamalot was sweet. The ending was changed and a character was added, but it was still amazing. It dropped the witch scene and the bridge of death, but the songs and additions made up for it. There was a song about needing Jews to be successful on Broadway. It was funny.

Anyway, I'm tired after walking all over downtown Manhattan for most of the day.

Oh, yeah, by the by. I just found a button that lets me add images. I'm going to do it just for kicks.


This is a fan drawing of a character from Final Fantasy VI. I think it's based on the CG reinvention of her in the revamped version of the game, but it could be mostly imagination... I guess... Either way, it's incredibly good.

The End.

P.S. If you like video game music, check out Chrono Symphonic: Chrono Symphonic: Chrono Trigger ReMix Project - http://chrono.ocremix.org

New York

I'm in New York right now. Isn't that swell? We even found some wireless internet somewhere around here. Unfortunately, my bag isn't here. It was a HUGE red duffel bag filled with all my clothes. All. I'm hoping it will get here in the morning. My eyes are kind of dry with my contacts in right now...

We got here, though, and we're staying in this creepy catholic almost boarding house or something like that... It's used for priests staying in New York or families here for funerals, but they open it up cheap for students like us. We went out to dinner down the street and proceeded to come back, do a little exploring of the house, and leave for Times Square. It's raining quite a bit, but we went anyway. Riding the subway is fun, by the way. Times Square is huge and bright if you've never been there. There are a bazillion and one things to do, but it's great just to walk...

Anyway, I'm gonna go because I'm rambling on about nothing.