Bootstraps vs. Blessings

I've been thinking about my career a lot lately. About what I want to do, how I'm going to get there, if I'm going to get there...

I seem to be under pressure from two equal and (seemingly) opposite philosophies, both with support.

The first is the one most commonly produced by the Christian community. The main idea is that if God wants you someplace, he will place you there. Where you are right now is where you're supposed to be. God created beings, not doings.

In my life, this looks kinda like this: Youth ministry - I like doing it, but I haven't been. Free time to build relationships and not be super stressed. Take time to live, breathe, observe, love people, etc.

With this train of thought, if God wanted me to become a game designer, he would place me in a position to be a game designer. I should still do all my class work and such (I must, after all, be faithful to all of what must be done today - not just the relational stuff.), but I shouldn't stress out so much about getting into the competitive field of game design. Perhaps some good connections through a God-provided internship will help me. Or the sister of one of my middle schoolers' parents works for Junction Point Studios and would love to have me on. Either way, I shouldn't worry about it and go go go like crazy to make it into the industry on my own.

Taking this attitude means that I don't have to worry so much about whether or not I'm creating games in my free time or not. It means that I don't have to feel guilty about not using the time I've set aside for "career time" properly. It means that I've run out of excuses for getting involved in youth ministry.

But it's not the only attitude to have.

The other attitude is the one that I hear preached most often when looking up game design career stuff. This is the typical American do-it-yourself. To get into the industry, I must be learning as much as I can about games, history, design (in every sense of the word), programming, sociology, psychology, etc... When I'm not doing that, I should be playing video games in an analytical fashion, designing games for fun (by myself and with others), and networking, networking, networking.

From the Christian angle, this means being very intentional in developing the gifts that God has given me to get to the place I believe God has called me to. It means staying focused and not letting the Enemy distract me from the goal. This is also where I get a little defensive and tell myself, "You can't let them [whoever "them" is] think that you don't work hard just because you're a Christian. You've got to work hard to His glory! That will show them that my God is too big[, too just, too holy, too whatever...] to be used as a crutch [or excuse, or scapegoat for unsuccess] by humans." Or something like that.

Practically, this "bootstraps" philosophy means that I do just that: I pull myself up by my own bootstraps. I make things happen for myself. I work hard to get where I want to go.

The problem there being (and this could be my Christian sub-culture getting through, rather than the real word of God) that there's so much "I" in those statements. There is very little "God through me."

The other problem, of course, is that I simply do not enjoy doing some of that stuff. I don't want to be so dedicated to my career that I don't have time for relationships, family, church, leading a small group, or helping with my son's Boy Scout troop someday. I never want my career to be all consuming and I feel like if I'm consumed just to get there, I'll never stop being consumed.

So as I look to my senior year of college, I ask myself what I want to dedicate myself to. Is it to the pursuit of a career? If I don't do that - if I don't work myself silly making product - there is little chance of me getting into grad school, getting a job, or ever working in a field that I'm passionate about. Or do I pursue wholeness, simplicity, and God's increasing hold on my life? If I don't do that, who knows what will happen to me... I will probably become someone I don't want to be.

Now, before I get a bunch of comments saying this exact thing, I'm sure a middle of the road procedure would be best. But the practicality of the matter is that it's never that simple and sometimes impossible choices favoring one side or the other have to be made.

I guess the question is what is God really calling me to? And how serious do I need to be to get there?