Sorry folks, I just haven't felt like updating in a while. I've been fairly incommunicado with the outside world. I think I use that term purposefully.
I've been feeling kind of useless lately. Church yesterday kind of hit on it again. We talked about evangelism at church and the pastor asked us to write down the names of a few of our non-Christian friends so we would start remembering to pray for them on a regular basis. I couldn't really think of any friends that I talk to on a regular basis that are not Christians. Is that sad? I've been feeling like it is.
But then again, it might just be another way of my subconscious trying to find as many excuses as I can to get out of Cornerstone (no offense). I really like it here, but I feel like there's no way I can do what I want to eventually do here.
I'm really confused. Can you tell?
The hardest part is keeping God number one. At Evensong last night, I had the thought that maybe I've been idolizing my career decision. It's on my mind constantly. If I had God on my mind a quarter as much of the time as I spend worrying about what I'm going to do with my life, my walk with Him would be much closer. I have to learn to let go of this worry. The problem is that whenever I let go, I feel like it's just a waiting game for God to tell me what his plan is. I don't think that's how God works. He's not just going to reveal it to me one day during my quiet time, He's going to engineer my life so that it is clear. I think. But how do we know when it is God engineering our lives toward a certain path instead of ourselves?
I think that's quite enough questions for today. I need to go do some more homework.
7 comments:
Wow, that was kinda deep. I shall keep you in my prayers.
Its tough ain't it?
~*~ Rad
I sometimes have that feeling too - I'm supposed to be evangelizing, but I don't really know any nonChristians.
But maybe, right now, what I'm supposed to be doing is encouraging my Christian friends when they have problems. Christians need ministry too!
It's hard to make decisions, I know. Especially for very indecisive people like ourselves. But know that not worrying about it doesn't mean you're copping out. You can let go of the need to obsess over it and the worried panic and still be thinking about it and working toward making a decision.
Well, that's my two cents on everything...
Kemp,
I don't have any devine words of wisdom and I can't bring you clarity, although I really wish I could. All I have to offer to you at this time is a listening ear and this saying/verse? not sure it was in a Steven Curtis Chapman song.
Obviously, God speaking "Be still and now that I am God"
Kemp, maybe you are meant to move on from Cornerstone next year or maybe stay I don't know. All I know is that you are here now. Don't forget to look around you. And like Annie said, Christians need help to, we are codependent. I don't even know if what I say is of value, I just write in the hopes that something sounds reasonable. Hasta la vista.
I know you won't be able to read this until Wednesday when your media fast is over, but I have been thinking about your questions, I think you are right, God isn't just going to drop a note from heaven and say, "Here is my plan for your life" Just know that you aren't the only confused one. You at least have some grasp on what you want to do. You know that you like video games and would want to do something with that. Me, I am still clueless. You know, I was talking to my mom today, she, um I don't quite remember what she said, but it helped and I know you have a great set of parents who might be able to help. I just want you to know that you aren't the only one confused and that I'm here for you, I mean if you need to talk things out or just talk or play video games, whatever.
Hey babe! missing seeing ya around because no matter how confused you are or ever were it was alwasy fun to run into you.. you kinda lift people's spirits.. and i understand the confusion.. i think ne one our age in college is too.. just keep your chin up and not only acknowlledge(? lol wow sp?) the fact that if you focused on God 1/4 as much as you worry you might get answers, and actually do it!
Roz
PS. a simple worry can easily be turned into a prayer by simply adding Dear jesus to the beginning.
When are you comming HOOOOMMMMEEEE?!?!?!!?
hey kemp...i have been tryin to get on ur blog, but it wasn't workin..then i figured out i had it typed wrong...silly me..well..thsi was posted in feb...but i hope ur doin well now...i may not be in college yet..but i get the whole confusion thing as well...i'm there right now...it's..well..confusing...anyways...so are ya coming home for spring break...i miss ya kemp...it would be nice to see ya..well..i hope to see u...so take care...and just live for him...nothin else..!!!
later..<33
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