Twilight.

Tonight, I did the unthinkable.  I watched the Twilight movie.

Hold the lynch mob.  It was a purely academic exercise, I promise.  As a student of culture, I realized that it was terribly ignorant of me to judge the film without even seeing it.  It seems that people either love it or hate it, so I wanted to know just what it was that was so divisive.

Going into it, I knew the sparkle thing was a big deal.  Vampires have never, ever sparkled before.  But they also don’t read minds.  Or behave so… stupidly.  So I just went in understanding that the mythology was not going to be what I traditionally understood as vampires or werewolves or anything else.  I knew that the lead actress, Kirsten Stewart, was criticized for a complete lack of emotion.  Got it.  I also knew that the love story was, at best, juvenile.  So I didn’t go in thinking I was about to witness something pure and beautiful.

And boy was I wrong.  It was the most beautiful film I’ve seen in years.

Not really.  Scared you for a minute, though, didn’t I?

If you’re only interested in my final verdict, I’ll save you reading the rest of this and say this: it’s no worse than many other mediocre movies.  It has many, significant problems, but we gloss over these all the time in adventure, sci-fi, and action movies all the time.  So I guess I’m not going to be a straight hater of this film, but I will never say that it’s a good movie. 

Now the details.

Let’s start with what was decent.  For one, it was a pretty film.  The cinematography, while not jaw-dropping, was not bad.  Several shots had great lighting and composure.  They used their environment well.   Second, I didn’t mind Robert Pattinson’s acting.  Though his accent faltered on a number of occasions, I at least believed him most of the time.  Looking through the IMDB trivia, I respect the investment he put into the role, as well (he didn’t talk to anyone for 5 weeks before filming trying to get into the isolation of Edward’s character).  For what it’s worth, I thought the last act of the movie was pretty good.  At least, it was good enough that I stopped taking notes and actually started caring about how the characters would survive.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t until then that I cared at all.

The first two thirds of this movie were pretty awful.  The narration was monotone and useless.  The music was cheesy.  The more I think about it, the less I respect the character of Bella.  She doesn’t really do anything, does she?  I mean, I guess she goes to school and stuff, but everything happens to her, not because of her.  The one time she influences the story is where she insists that they find a way to ensure her father’s safety.  So for over an hour, I’d say, we are just waiting for something interesting to happen.  Nothing does.

The biggest thing that bothered me was a lack of believability.  I mean, I know we’re dealing with fantasy here, but still.  There are rules. 

Take Edward Cullen.  He’s really bad at being a vampire.  You’d think that, for a guy that had graduated high school somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 times, he sure sucked at being secretive.  Bella asks him about why his eye color changes, “Uh…  Um…  Ya see…  It’s, uh, the fluorescent lights.  Yeah.  The lights.  That’s what it is.”  She tells him that she saw him stop the car with his hand and, instead of making something sensible up (“You’ve been through a lot, you might not remember what happened….  I was walking toward you and…”), he says, “No one will believe you.”  That’s not indicting, there, fella.  No one’s going to see that you’re hiding something weird.  You don’t have to worry about keeping your identity a secret for any reason.

Speaking of secrets, don’t you think Bella jumped a little too quickly to the vampire idea?  All it took was an incident whose remembrance could be heavily affected by the trauma, the fact that he was cold, and some other small detail that I can’t remember right now.  All of a sudden, this film that has thus far been fairly reasonable takes a dive into crazy town.

(But then again, Bella lives in crazy town.  Ladies, If a guy tells you “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore,” your answer should not be, “Then don’t.”  That’s a sign you need lots of counseling.)

So why did the last act work so well?  Stakes.  Not wooden ones.  But something at risk.  Nothing was at stake through the whole first two thirds of the movie.  Edward doesn’t lose anything by telling his secret to Bella.  Bella doesn’t lose anything by being (or not being) with Edward.  No one’s in danger.  Not even her happiness seems to be at risk. 

One last note and I’ll let this rant come to a close.  I think Kristen Stewart is a better actor than we’ve been led to believe by this film.  There are several scenes (most of which are with her schoolmates) that she actually bursts to life.  She’s a believable 17 year old girl with interest in what’s going on around her.  I think the director purposely pulled her performance back when she’s with Edward.  When she’s with him, she reverts to this lifeless, monotone girl with no smile.  But whenever Jacob walks into the scene, she smiles and comes to life, pulling more attention as an actor with a vastly more interesting performance.

Honestly, the seeming purposefulness of this shocked me.  If I didn’t know that Team Edward wins, I’d say that this was the setup for the second (or third?) film’s love triangle and that Bella should end up with Team Jacob.  But that’s not what happens.  As I’ve been informed, Bella ends up marrying Edward.  To me, it seems like the director is being surprisingly subversive by controlling Kristen Stewart’s performance like that.  Isn’t the point of the books and movies that she ends up with Edward?  That he’s the right choice that makes her happy?  And yet, at least in this film, she bears more resemblance to a vampire when she’s with him than a happy, in love human.  In fact, her love for him seems more akin to a traditional vampire’s ability to charm someone than anything else.

Just an interesting note on the director and her lead actress.